Buffoonery and Romance
by xIcyChanx
Summary: They don't fit the stereotypes. They do their own thing, as crazy as that may be most of the time. Fortunately or unfortunately, it's the way they work. – A collection of one-shots that will contain romance, fluff, good ol' smut, PWP, domestic fluff, a lot of humour and the occasional drop of angst. Marked as complete but will be updated whenever. Ratings will vary. [Roy/Fem!Ed]
1. Coupley Things

_A/N **READ: **Well hello there and welcome to my one-shot/drabble collection! Here I will be posting anything and everything I write that I deem too short/stupid to post as a stand-alone fic! This fic will entail romance, fluff, good ol' smut, PWP, domestic fluff, humor and stupidity! (maybe a drop of angst too? Dunno) The pairing will be Roy/Fem!Ed all the way through. I have no idea how long this will be, I'll just keep posting and posting whenever I have ideas since many of the poor things are not long enough to turn into a proper fic and I end up ignoring them ;u; If you read them, you have my thanks. :3 I'm not sure how frequently this is going to be updated, and it will be marked as complete even though I'll be still posting so keep that in mind.  
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_Sooooo this is rated T right now but will definitely go up to M, but only once I've posted a chapter that will match the rating (which will be soon by the way *coughcough*) _

_Go ahead and review; it always brings a smile to my face to know that people are reading my stuff, and add it to your favourites and follows if you want as well; it makes me happy too. XD _

_Anyway, this collection will mostly be me dealing with my undying love for these two and, just a head's up; I'm going to be babbling a lot in the Author's notes, so yeah...XDD _

_At the beginning of each oneshot I'll type the title, the rating and any warnings there might be, so you won't need to worry about what you'll find below. XDD Please ignore any mistakes!  
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_Disclaimer: I'll only write this once - I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, end of story._

_Now, on to the first one!_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Coupley Things<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: Slight language.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You know, I've been thinking..."

Roy looked up from his novel and turned to gaze at his lover, who was staring at him from where she had her head rested on his shoulder.

He looked at her expectantly. "Yes?"

Edeline shifted awkwardly and a sweet pink decorated her cheeks. "Well," she started, trying to sound confident. "remember when we were at the park...?"

"The day you threw the picnic basket at my head because I _accidentally _mentioned your height?"

Ed's blush escalated at the reminder, spreading to her nose and tips of her ears. "Yeah, that one."

Roy rolled his eyes. "What about it?"

Setting his book on the coffee table, Roy wrapped his arm around Ed's shoulders and pulled her slightly closer as he settled more comfortably on the couch. He watched as she bit her lip, emotions battling in her honey coloured eyes.

"Well, there were many couples there who acted really differently from us..."

Roy raised an eyebrow and pulled the blanket more over himself to cover his feet as he answered. "You mean showing public affection?"

The blonde's face positively resembled a cherry and she avoided his obsidian gaze, which was now amused. She shuffled uncomfortably. "Not just that, people in a relationship in general do more things, you know? I just saw it the other day and, well, it kinda hit me."

Mustang hummed in thought. "You mean things other than argue and have rough make up sex afterwards?"

Ed blushed and growled, her eyes flashing as she glared at him. She swatted his arm. "I think that's only our thing, you idiot."

Roy smirked at her flustered expression, but decided to actually listen to what she had to say. Who knew, maybe they could improve their relationship or something like that – though he could honestly say he didn't really have any complaints about the way they were now. But if Ed wasn't satisfied...

Pursing his lips, a soft frown made its way onto Roy's face as his thoughts took a turn for the worst. He thought she had been fine with the way they worked. It was just how they did things, and he had never really pictured Edeline wanting to do something that fell into the stereotype category.

"Okay, so, like what?"

The blonde took a moment to ponder that, apparently not having thought they'd actually get this far in the discussion. "Um, well, they...cuddle more." Roy saw she knew she had said something stupid from the way she grimaced and flushed.

He arched a brow. "And what are we doing now exactly?"

Ignoring him, she hastily added, " –and they do that nose rubbing thing."

Her whole face lit up at her own words and Roy could tell she really wished for the floor to open up and swallow her. She seemed to be restraining herself from slapping her forehead.

Roy blinked. "That _what_?"

Ed appeared to be emphatically humiliated now. "You know," she growled. "when they rub noses, like, um, affectionately."

Roy's shoulders shook with suppressed laughter as he pressed his lips together to refrain from smirking. He was beyond amused; he'd never thought his little shrimp of a lover would actually ever want to do something so...coupley. Despite the funny mental picture that popped up in his mind though, Roy felt his heart fill with a tender emotion. He had always been a romantic, and just imagining doing small and intimate things to show affection with her made a warm feeling spread through his body, warming him to the core.

"Someone's been watching too many movies," he mused teasingly in spite of himself. He hissed as a sudden pain made itself known in his side when Ed elbowed him.

"At least I'm not the stupid sap who cries like a fucking baby while reading romance novels when he thinks I'm not looking!" she shouted defensively, pulling away from his one-arm embrace and crossing her arms petulantly.

Roy rubbed his aching side, a scowl on his face as he willed away the slight flush dominating his cheeks. "I don't cry!"

Ed snorted. "Bullshit. I _saw _you yesterday – you were sobbing your fucking eyes out, bastard."

"I wasn't sobbing! I was just touched–"

"Silent crying then! You totally used up the entire tissue box though."

Ed grinned in triumph when Roy fell silent with a glare. "Your point, exactly?"

Huffing, the blonde shot up from her seat on the couch, pulling the blanket with her and letting it fall to the floor. Seizing his wrist, she hoisted him up non-too-gently. "We're doing something...different." When Roy opened his mouth, Ed squeezed his wrist until it hurt and he gasped. "No objections."

Growling faint annoyed mutters, Roy allowed himself to be dragged forcefully around the house until they entered the kitchen. Tugging his arm free now, he surveyed the room as if it was his first time seeing it, eyebrow raised in mild surprise. "We're cooking?"

Ed swirled around to face him, hands planted on her hips. The fierce determination burning in those eyes made Roy want to roll his own in exasperation and gulp in apprehension at the same time, so he settled for a weary sigh. He dealt with that look a lot, and he knew from experience there was no getting out of whatever his lover had planned.

"Yes we are," Ed answered, hurrying to grab a bowl from the cupboard and moving quickly for the utensils they would be needing. "I figured we could make something tasty – a cake, to be specific – and then eat it, all the while actually being nice to each other for once." Spinning around, she grinned at him, though Roy could tell she was nervous about this. "What d' you think?"

Roy shrugged; in his opinion, this was unnecessary. He didn't know why Ed had all of a sudden gotten such an idea, but if it made her feel better he'd just have to bear it. "Sounds like a plan."

"It is a plan," Ed deadpanned, and Roy rolled his eyes. "Anyway, grab the flour and the eggs, I'll fetch the mixer and the rest – I'm not touching the milk though. Want chocolate or vanilla?"

* * *

><p>A half hour later they were both exasperated with each other beyond belief and Roy was sure Ed was that much away from throttling him.<p>

She growled fiercely. "_No, _you bastard, I said _I _would crack the eggs! I told you to deal with the milk!"

_Being nice to each other, my ass_, Roy thought.

His eyebrow twitched. "But the eggs go _first_," he said forcefully, through gritted teeth. "And you were busy with the chocolate!"

Absently wiping at a stain on her cheek, Ed clenched her fists and glared at him. "I was fucking _finished _with the chocolate!"

Roy smacked his forehead, realising idly that he had probably dirtied it. Clenching his teeth, he grabbed the flour. Then, calmly but forcefully, he said,"Do you want to add the flour so I can add the milk?"

Ed scowled but snatched the flour out of his hands as he went to fetch the milk from the nearby counter. An indignant growl from her had him turning around to face her once more, exasperation written on his features as clear as day. "What is it _now_?"

"How does this thing open!?"

Roy sighed and strolled forwards to give her a hand as he watched her pull forcefully at the package, willing it to open. "Stop that or you'll rip it–" No sooner than he said it, the package ripped open abruptly, flour flying everywhere and coating every surface, the majority of which was the kitchen floor.

They both stood in shocked silence for a moment as the fine white powder flew in the air, staring at each other with wide eyes. Then, Ed let out a nervous chuckle and let what remained of the package fall to the floor. Hastily, she started brushing the flour out of her hair and clothes and then hesitantly, still with that nervous chuckle, started brushing him off.

"Um," she drawled tentatively, an anxious grin on her face when Roy just stared at her, black hair coated white. "Sorry...?"

Tense shoulders slumping, Roy sighed heavily and ran a slow, exasperated hand down his face, noticing with a scowl that it came off white. "You can't cook," he stated, watching Ed shuffle awkwardly. "Why did you even want to do this? Aren't you the one who's always bitching about being made to cook dinner?"

Edeline fell silent and stared at the floor, covered in white by her recklessness. Then, she scowled and glared as if the flour was to blame. Her hands clenched into fists as if she was defending her next words before she had even spoken them. "I just...I didn't want you to feel like you're missing out on stuff, alright?"

Roy's vexation diminished for a moment as he gazed at her flushed but apprehensive face with curiosity. "Miss out on what, exactly?"

A low growl came from deep in her throat and she met his gaze, eyes burning into his with ferocity. "Well, what do you think? You're always reading that sappy shit that you call a novel and you keep crying your fucking eyes out!" Roy blinked – it took him a moment, but after that his eyebrows were slowly but surely rising as realisation dawned on him. "What am I supposed to think, huh!? You're a cheesy romantic and I'm not, we _know _that by now, but I just– I thought that you might have had enough of my shit and actually realised that I'm not good for you. So...in order to prevent that...I..." her voice trailed off as she blushed scarlet, as if only just realising how stupid what she was doing actually was. Groaning in misery, she buried her face in her hands.

"Edeline," Roy started, nonplussed. Her confession was the last thing he had expected and now he stood in his own kitchen, feeling bizarrely out of place. "Why would you think I would get bored of you?"

Grimacing, Ed had suddenly found the flour on her clothes very interesting. "Truth knows, bastard," she murmured, dusting her tank top off repetitively. "You're always reading that romance shit where they rub noses like idiots. I once grabbed one book to see what the big deal was and I still can't understand what was so touching about them. So I just figured you were reading them because you couldn't have that romantic life or whatever – it made me feel bad alright?" she admitted, growling faintly. "Well, fuck you," she added then, more as a means to put some normalcy into the situation than anything. Crossing her arms, she opted for glaring at the tiled floor as if it had caused her personal offence.

Roy was at a loss for words – never in his life had he even thought that Ed would take this so seriously. He was aware of her issues with herself and her actual worth but he had honestly never thought her worries would go this far.

"Edeline," he repeated, reaching out and wrapping an arm around her, the other one lifting her chin up. He would've laughed at her adorable pouty look had this not been serious. He kept his face straight. "I love you."

Ed blushed crimson and scowled, slapping his hand away from her chin and crossing her arms in a characteristic embarrassed manner. She glared at the side and huffed. "W-what's up with the sudden sappiness, you shit-head?"

Despite her foul reply, Roy could read her well enough to see the appreciation between the lines. He smiled, but it lasted only a second before it transformed into a smirk. "Oh come on, you liked it," he teased, and when Ed shot him a look, he added, "Don't deny it." When he wiggled his eyebrows, a smile stretched her lips unbidden and she elbowed him in the ribs playfully.

"Shut up."

Roy chuckled, arms wrapping around her slim waist as he brought her closer. His lips brushed the crown of her head fondly, and he breathed in her familiar scent. "I don't want you to start thinking I'm getting bored of you, alright?"

Petulantly, she raised her head to meet his gaze and stuck her bottom lip out. "Fine. But I don't want you crying so much while reading. Equivalent Exchange. ...Deal?"

Smiling softly, he leaned in and tenderly rubbed their noses together, relishing the blush that dirtied her cheeks. "Deal."

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><p><em>AN Honestly now, is it coupley or couply? Google's stupid and won't tell me the truth ;w;_

_Anyway, ain't Roy and Ed just THE CUTEST? *flashes photos*_


	2. Cheer Up

_A/N Yep, you guessed it; here's another one! The idea just popped up and I HAD to write it right away. It was too funny to let it go. XD So here's the thing; yesterday I typed up all the ideas I have for these little oneshots/drabbles and I already have 16 of them, all of which will be written whenever I have a few spare hours! :) That said, I think this will be updated pretty frequently until I run out of ideas and have to wait for them to return. XD_

_By the way, is it bad that I absolutely LOVE to torture Roy? :P_

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><p><strong>Title: Cheer Up<strong>

**Rating: K+/T**

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

Roy was bored, to say the least.

Sitting in his office doing paperwork wasn't exactly the most exhilarating thing in the world after all. But today, he didn't feel like doing anything, let alone paperwork. He didn't know why, he just wasn't in the mood. His subordinates had gotten the message and left him alone, but one of them was too stubborn to just let him _be_.

Sighing in annoyance, Roy set his pen down for a moment with a loud tap and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ed," he started tensely. "Can you please get lost?"

Edeline stood right in front of his desk, where she had been for the past half hour trying to get him to do Truth knows what. Once she heard his words she huffed, crossing her arms with a pout.

Signing another paper, Roy swiftly placed it upon the stack on his left hand side and grabbed another from his right.

"Are you gonna cheer up or what?" the blonde huffed, scowling when Roy decided to ignore her. She had asked that three times already, he guessed she knew the answer by now.

After a few more seconds of not receiving an reply, she sighed and grumbled, "Well, fine. If you're gonna be an ass about it I might as well just get you out of the chair myself."

Roy paused at that, and stole a curious glance at her. He warily watched as she came closer to his desk and then nearly choked on his spit when she abruptly hoisted the large stack of incomplete paperwork in her arms and casually made her way to the back of the office, right beside the door, where she dumped it on the floor.

Roy stared. "What do you think you're doing?" His annoyance had reached its peak and he found himself rubbing his middle finger and thumb subconsciously under the desk, while slowly getting to his feet, scowling.

Ed grinned toothily and crossed her arms. "Getting you up from that chair." She watched as Roy slowly strolled towards her menacingly and added, "And I guess it worked."

He stopped right in front of her and glared, arms crossed in an admonishing manner. "Fullmetal, as you are very much aware, I have a lot of paperwork to do, so get out of here before I call Hawkeye."

Ed was working her hand in a mock-speech gesture, mouthing 'blah blah blah' before Roy had even finished, and when he was done she smirked and crossed her arms again confidently. "What? Can't get rid of me yourself, hm?" Mustang's eyebrow twitched and he had opened his mouth to reply, but Ed rolled her eyes and cut him off. "Oh come on, you've been sulking since morning! Cheer up, Colonel Bastard!"

"If you want me to cheer up, then leave."

The blonde puffed her cheeks at the rude reply and glared at him. "Well, _I'm sorry_ for being the only one who actually cares enough to try to help you!"

Roy sighed. "I don't need help, but thank you. Now, can you go?"

Before either of them could get another word out, the phone shrilled to life and made them both jump. Ed recovered a second before Roy and was placing the handset to her ear before he could even blink. How had she even got there so fast?

"Yeeeeees?" Ed asked sweetly, smirking smugly at Roy. Then, recognition flashed in her eyes and she smiled. "Oh hello, General!" That was the moment Roy snapped out of whatever reverie he had been trapped in and his eyes widened, his heartbeat picking up. If it was an important General and _Ed_ had answered _his_ phone…!

Almost running towards her, Roy snatched the phone out of her hands and placed it to his own ear, his cheeks slightly flushed in apprehension as he glared daggers at Edeline. "Colonel Mustang speaking," he said into the mouthpiece, and relaxed only a fraction when he realised it was only General Grumman that was on the other end. He and Roy were on very good terms, and the fellow soldier wouldn't be offended if the Colonel's boisterous subordinate had answered instead of him and had been completely disrespectful.

Turning his back to Edeline, Roy replied according to what the General was telling him. The talk was professional, and it was only a matter of time before Ed got bored out of her skull. That time came, apparently, because Roy suddenly felt arms wrap around him from behind and hands dipping under his military jacket and shirt to faintly caress his ribs. Ed's face was pressed against his back, and Roy did his best to ignore her as he focused on what Grumman was talking about.

Ed's fingers trailed down his chest, barely touching, but it made Roy want to raise a hand to itch the spot as he suppressed several shivers. Then, Edeline placed her hands on both of his sides and moved her fingers in a way that made him tense up and desperately smother an unmanly giggle. He squirmed as she continued whatever she was doing with her fingers, and a snicker escaped him, making him purse his lips and try to _focus, damn_ _it!_ on whatever Grumman was babbling about.

He could feel her smirk on his back as she lifted her head to speak in his free ear. "Ticklish, are we?"

She moved her fingers again and it seemed like she hit a sensitive spot, because Roy squirmed away from her hand reflexively, giggling in a way that he would be profusely denying later.

He went rigid when Grumman asked him if everything was alright, and Roy took a deep breath before saying, "Everything's fine, sir. What were you saying?"

The General continued with what he had been going on about and Roy shot a dark glare behind him at Ed, who was too busy keeping her own sniggers muted to notice. Her hands crept up his flesh and then, abruptly, she shoved her hands under his armpits and Roy couldn't help it; he doubled over, laughing.

The blonde continued tickling him mercilessly, until tears had gathered in his eyes and he was squirming so much the phone fell out of his hands. Laughing too hard to notice, Roy fell to his knees and Ed followed, her fingers never faltering. His arms flailed in a desperate attempt to get her to stop but his aim was poor. The blonde started laughing herself after a moment of watching him being tortured, and she leaned forward, making him fall on his back.

"S-Stop i-it," Roy stuttered in-between laughter. "I-I w-w-will i-incinerate you, F-Fullmetal."

Ed smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she leaned closer to his face. One of her hands slid out from under his clothes and went to his neck, where she already knew he was sensitive. Just the barest of touches made him wriggle hopelessly, squeaking out a snicker.

Chuckling herself, Ed's hands slowed, until they rested motionlessly on his skin. Roy, finally shown mercy, panted hard, still a few chuckles escaping him. His face was flushed and his clothes felt very stifling all of a sudden. Raising a trembling hand to wipe away the tears threatening to spill, he looked up at Ed, shaking his head in amusement. "You're impossible," he breathed, "Absolutely impossible."

Ed grinned, nuzzling her face in his neck. Her legs were straddling his hips, and she had one hand under his shirt while the other was faintly caressing the other side of his neck. "I know," she murmured fondly, placing a faint kiss on his jaw. "You know what though?"

Wrapping an arm around her as much as he could, Roy shifted to be a bit more comfortable. "Hm?"

Fingers trailing down his chest, Ed smirked, golden eyes flashing triumphantly. "I cheered you up."

Laughing softly, Roy only just took notice of the stupid smile that he seemed to be unable to get rid of. "I guess you did."

They stared at each other for a moment, Ed's fingers tracing invisible shapes on Roy's chest, until his eyes fell on the hanging handset of the phone, a voice, barely audible, asking them what was going on.

Roy grimaced, wondering how the hell he was going to explain himself _this _time.

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><p><em>AN By the way, I forgot to mention it before but you can also give me ideas/prompts if you have any. I can't guarantee that I'll write them all, my muse is in charge of what I do and don't, sorry XD, but if I get that inspiration spark I'll type it up and post it, giving you idea credit of course! ;3_


	3. Cheating

_A/N I had a sudden burst of inspiration in class today and I started writing this. XD As you will probably guess, I learned nothing today. XDDD But really now, can you honestly blame me? THESE TWO RULE MY WORLD and they're always on my mind! When a plot bunny(um not plot, just bunny XD) come s and attacks me, I have to fight back! And that means; write the damn idea before it drives me nuts! Forgive me for this. XDDD This drabble is the shortest thing I've written by the way. :P  
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><p><strong>Title: Cheating<strong>

**Rating: K+/T because of a few curse words and what may or may not be considered a suggestive theme.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Ed had honestly believed that this day would never come.

She stared hard, praying to whatever God was up there that her mind was just playing a cruel joke on her because _this_ couldn't, just couldn't be possible.

But the scene playing out in front of her as she stood in shocked silence on the threshold just refused to vanish and thus was telling her everything she needed to know.

Roy was cheating on her.

And not just with anybody but with...with...She couldn't even say it.

Her eyes stung from not blinking for so long but she just couldn't bring herself to tear her gaze away from...from – them. Her lover _flirted_ and _stroked_ tenderly and seemed so content with that smile that before now had been hers and hers alone. It was like he was savouring this moment, as if just having finished a hot shower wasn't enough pleasure on its own.

How dare he, how _dare he!_

Edeline watched as Roy brought his lips closer, and _closer, _until she felt her heart clench and eventually shatter into a million pieces. And in their own house – in _their _house!

How could he kiss her afterwards when his lips and tongue were so _soiled_?

"You bastard," she seethed, finally making her presence known. Roy jumped in surprise but didn't let go of, of – UGH!

He seemed shocked at her enraged and dishevelled expression and appearance, but gradually allowed for his tense shoulders to relax and his brow pulled down into a frown. The bastard even had the fucking audacity to look _puzzled_. The asshole.

"How _dare _you," the blonde went on, hands clenching into tight fists at her sides. How long had he been doing this behind her back? Just how _long _had he been _hiding it!?_

Roy looked positively apprehensive now, dare she say scared. _Good_, Ed thought, _he fucking should be_.

"How dare you cheat on me with – with...!" She growled and pulled at her hair in frustration, stomping her heavy automail foot on the tiled floor of the kitchen. On the table they were. On the fucking _table!_

She wanted to cry and puke and scream at the same time.

Roy stared blankly, eyes wide in mute shock. He slid off the table he had been sitting on and turned to face her completely, and Ed glared daggers at – at...She couldn't even _think _about it!

"Ed," Roy started warily, following her gaze to the glass in his hand and then back to her again. "It's just milk."

* * *

><p><em>AN LOLOLOL I can somehow imagine this happening. XD Poor Ed! She has competition! And Roy you cheaterrrrr, buying milk without Ed's consent! Haha, I'm so sorry. XD_


	4. Table Manners

_A/N I can just picture this happening so vividly it's quite amazing. XDD We all know Ed has absolutely no table manners...haha :D  
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_So anyway, I'm pretty stuffed with exams right now but I'll try to update regularly, since whenever I have a few hours to spare I get started on one of the continuously increasing list of ideas my mind comes up with. XD They're all pretty amusing and I can't decide which one to write first! _

_By the way, I've written a smutty one-shot but I don't know if I should post it or not...If I do that will mean that this fic goes up a rating to M...I'll post it sooner or later, I'm sure about that, but I just don't know if I want it to be 'sooner' or 'later'. An opinion on this would be appreciated xP Do you want the smut now or later? lol_

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><p><strong>Title: Table Manners<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: Language and a suggestion at the end...;p**

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

Roy carefully cut into his steak, holding the knife in his right hand and the fork in his left. The delicious smell entered his nostrils once more, making his mouth water.

He had been waiting all week for this moment; this Friday night that he had a date planned for him and Ed to one of his favourite restaurants. It had been at least a month since they had been on a proper date, but it was understandable, Roy thought. He was a newly promoted Brigadier-General after all and his workload had increased dreadfully.

Admittedly, he had missed his lover this stressful week, but finally things had started settling down, the news of his promotion no longer such a shocker. Actually, Roy thought they should have anticipated it sooner or later.

But now, all thoughts of work were shoved roughly to the back of his mind, and instead much more mundane and light ones took their place. He was here with Ed, at his favourite restaurant, eating delicious steak and wearing comfy clothes. What else could possibly make it better?

From across the table, he could hear Ed shovelling down her own steak, chewing with a mouth wide open and making pleased noises every now and then. Risking a glance towards her, a mildly amused smile stretched his lips at her laid-back and totally apathetic look. She was slouching rudely in the chair, hands dirty from picking at the steak with her fingers. A moustache of sauce decorated the space around her lips, and there were even faint traces on her nose. Despite what some people would call an embarrassing look, Edeline seemed utterly unconcerned, unaware even, of her state. She only had eyes for the food in front of her, it seemed.

"So," she drawled, snapping Roy out of his musings. She cast a glance at him to determine if he was listening, and after swallowing, continued. "You mentioned Havoc's got a girlfriend."

Roy raised an eyebrow at her unexpected question, but decided a bit of small talk wasn't going to hurt. Setting his utensils down carefully, he took a hold of his wine glass and took a sip, before wiping his mouth with a napkin. "That's what he said."

Ed snorted, shoving another piece of steak in her mouth before swinging it down with a large gulp of wine, leaving the immaculate glass with greasy fingerprints when she set it back down. "Think she can handle him?"

"To be honest, I don't know her."

Ed shot him a glare, a familiar scowl taking over her features. "What?" she spat angrily, "Disappointed he found someone you haven't fucked?"

Roy sighed and picked up his fork, before jabbing a piece of the meat on his plate. "You know I don't care who he goes out with anymore, Ed," he said softly, placing the steak in his mouth soon after.

Ed huffed, picking at the meat on her plate with her greasy fingers and shoving another piece in her mouth. She chewed noisily as she took a large bite out of the bread, a handful of chips ensuing. Roy watched, eyebrows raised and a small smirk playing at his lips in amusement.

"You know," he started as he cut another piece of the steak. He paused before going on to give her a pointed glance. "You could use some table manners."

"Don't need 'em," was her immediate reply, a mere second before her pink tongue darted out to lick at the greasy smudge around her lips. Roy shook his head and observed her as she brought her feet on her chair and crossed them. "I'm comfier this way. No-one gives a fuck how I act anyway. You're so pristine all the time. Makes me sick, you know?"

Rolling onyx orbs, Roy settled for sipping his wine again as Ed shoved all the types of food they had on the table into her mouth, apparently trying and succeeding to stuff them all simultaneously.

"You're my lover," he told her matter-of-factly. Their eyes met, Roy's expecting ones with Ed's bored ones.

"And that's supposed to mean something?"

"It means you should be a bit more...tidy, in public at least. At home it's just us so I don't mind. "

Grabbing the salad bowl, Roy kept the conversation light as he added more to his plate. Truth be told, he really didn't mind Ed's way of eating, and since he knew the blonde wouldn't even consider listening to what he said, he just pushed it to keep the conversation alive.

Ed scoffed, but as she had opened her mouth to offer a witty reply, a burp escaped her instead and she grimaced, rubbing at her stomach. Roy raised an amused eyebrow, a smirk threatening to appear. Ed appeared completely unconcerned and continued on with her food as if nothing had transpired. When Roy just kept staring at her, she tore her gaze away from her food to cast him an annoyed look. "What're you lookin' at?"

The smirk crept up his face without his consent and he shook his head mutely in amusement and slight exasperation. "You really need table manners."

"No, I don't."

Grinning, Roy chuckled lowly. "You just _burped _while in a _restaurant_. You are in dire need of table manners, Edeline." Giving her a mock-admonishing and disapproving look, Roy refilled his glass, and then went to fill hers.

Ed shrugged. "So?" she asked, unperturbed. Her face lowered back to her steak, and Roy took notice of her now dirty nails with a grimace of disgust. "Is anyone even looking at us?" Ed looked around casually while Roy kept it discrete, watching the dining people around them out of the corners of his eyes. Then, she turned back to him with an indifferent look. "See?" She went back to her food.

Roy sighed, and went to grab his fork when he realised he was full. He set it back down and leaned back on his chair comfortably as he waited for Ed to finish so they could go.

The blonde took notice and raised her head to look at him with a curious frown as she chewed obnoxiously. "You done?" she inquired, eying his nearly finished meal with interest.

Roy rolled his eyes at the almost lustful look she was sending his dinner and picked up the plate, extending his arm towards her. "Take it." Ed complied without a second thought and dumped all the contents on her own plate before handing the now empty one back to Roy. Staring at her plate, Roy shook his head slowly in disbelief. "God knows how you can stomach this much."

"Don't get me started on God, please," she muttered irritably, shoving food in her mouth like a baby would with its big, chubby hands. "I'm hungry, you can't blame me. This week you've been coming back from work really late so I was the one who had to make dinner."

"But you didn't."

Ed looked at him, golden eyes masking a faint sheepish look. "No, I didn't. And that's why I'm fucking starving. Do you know how hard it is to live on toast and snacks for a whole week?"

Roy leaned forward, perching his elbows on the table after making some room by repositioning his plate and glass, and placed his chin on top of the weave his fingers formed. "Believe it or not, yes, I know. And that's because I had no dinner when I came home this week."

Ed had the decency to blush in embarrassment at that, but then she growled, clearly defensive. "Well, you can't blame me that I can't cook to save my life!"

"Apparently not, since you nearly starved both yourself and me."

She shot him a withering glare before opening her mouth wide and sticking her tongue out, giving Roy a very repulsing picture of the chewed food in her mouth.

"That's very mature, Ed," he said, not batting an eye. Ed scrunched her face up, huffing before slumping in her seat.

"Whatever, asshole." She shifted slightly to the side, and promptly lifted her feet up, propping them on the table and crossing them lazily. Bringing her plate to rest on her lap, she got on with stuffing her face.

Roy surveyed the room surreptitiously, hoping no-one was paying any attention to them. Before it had been easy for people not to notice her blatant rudeness, but with her feet propped up on the table like that and her plate sprawled half on her stomach, half on her lap, he wasn't so sure her behaviour would remain unnoticed for much longer.

Onyx eyes stopped on the corner of the room, where a waiter was eying them with disapproval, and Roy leaned forward to whisper, "Ed, if you keep this up we're going to get kicked out."

The blonde turned her lethargic stare towards him and cocked an eyebrow. "And why would that happen?"

Rolling his eyes with exasperation, he inclined his head discretely towards the waiter, even though he was out of Ed's field of vision. "That waiter over there is staring at us. And from the look on his face, he doesn't like what he's seeing."

Ed snorted loudly, making Roy wince and look around quickly. "Bullshit. Why would they wanna lose a customer because of nothing?"

"Ed," Roy started, sighing. "This is a rather...high class restaurant. One discourteous customer doesn't mean a thing to them."

Ed shrugged. "Well, they better get used to me then." Wriggling slightly to get a better angle, the blonde licked her lips and moved her feet almost into Roy's face, causing the man to lean back with a frown.

Glancing at the waiter, he grimaced when he realised he was walking towards them, a heavily disapproving frown on his young face.

"He's coming, Ed."

"Huh?" Before she could ask what he meant, a young man dressed in a tuxedo halted just before their table and glared at Ed's feet.

"Excuse me, Miss, but would you mind setting your feet down from the table?" The young man's voice was patient and almost unemotional, though the annoyance could be easily detected.

Shoving a handful of chips in her mouth, Ed chewed and answered, "I'm comfy though."

Roy chuckled in spite of himself and leaned back in his chair to watch the scene unfold, but not before getting a disapproving glance shot his way from the young man.

"Ma'am–"

"Don't fucking call me that!" the blonde shouted, making Roy bite his bottom lip to stifle his snickers as several heads turned.

The waiter seemed shocked beyond belief, and Roy instantly knew the date was coming to an end. There was no way they weren't going to get kicked out now, possibly banned from the place or whatever as well. Shame, Roy thought, he really liked the restaurant.

Eyes narrowing to slits, the young brunet crossed his arms. "I think it's time for you to leave," he stated, glaring at Roy as if gauging his reaction to that. If that man thought he was like Ed then he was very mistaken.

He had calmly sighed and was ready to stand, when Edeline shot up from her 'comfy' as she called it place on her seat and gaped. _"What?_" she screeched. "Y-You bastard! You can't kick us out!" By now the whole restaurant was staring at them and Roy was desperately pursing his lips in an attempt to stop the chuckles from bursting out. She acted as if he hadn't warned her...She probably hadn't believed he was being serious.

"Well, yes I can. Now, please leave."

"The food's amazing by the way!" she cried as a last attempt at salvation.

"We appreciate the compliment, but I have to ask you to leave."

The blonde growled, wiping her mouth absently with her sleeve and staining it with sauce and grease. "Wasn't complimenting you fucker anyway," she muttered. Turning her golden glare to her partner, she stared as if waiting for him to use his diplomatic skills to get them off the hook. When Roy stared back innocently, she took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Fine," she started calmly, "We'll go." Offering a sickeningly fake smile at the waiter, Ed turned around, blonde hair slapping his face. Then, she promptly hoisted her plate, the chips, the wine, the bread and the salad bowl in her hands and turned to a very surprised Roy. "You ready to go?"

Roy stared inquisitively at the plates, making the blonde raise an eyebrow. "What? she asked rudely, "The food here's fucking badass, I'm taking it home with us."

"You can't take the plates–"

"Who the fuck asked you?" Ed snapped at the waiter, glaring daggers at him over her shoulder. He looked scandalised by her foul language and that only made her roll her eyes.

Roy couldn't help it, a chuckle escaped him and he had to press his hand to his mouth to muffle the snickers. Standing up, he watched with amusement as Ed somehow managed to balance the plates on one hand long enough to shove the money at the stunned waiter's chest, and then started walking past him and towards the door. On the way she paused, looking back over her shoulder with a cocky expression. "Come on, Roy. I'm in the mood to ride my Mustang."

The words were so unexpected that Roy spluttered, chocking back on what was a mix of a laugh and an embarrassed squeak, a hot flush washing over him and making his clothes suddenly a little too stifling. She just said that in front of the whole fucking restaurant!

A smirk made its way onto his face when he took notice of the confused faces of the waiter and the rest of the restaurant. They didn't know what his name was that was why.

Grinning now, Roy walked up to the waiter and placed a few more cenz in his palm. "Here's a tip," he said with a wink, before sauntering after Ed.

* * *

><p><em>AN damn...aren't they simply MADE for each other!? Excuse me while I just go fangirl in the bathroom now..._


	5. Weakness

_A/N So...I guess you saw that this fic is now rated M. Well, that's because I finally manned up and posted this smut. XD If it's not your cup of tea you can easily skip it, and I want you to know that this fic will have much more T-rated one-shots that M-rated ones. The smut/lemon will be occasional, whenever I'm in a mood... _Any_way...I hope you enjoy it - I certainly enjoyed writing it. XDDD_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Weakness <strong>

**Rating: M**

**Warning: Scenes of sexual nature (smut in other words) and language – it's Ed duh.**

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

It literally only took one finger to reduce her to a panting and moaning mess.

The way her enraged words would die on her lips and a slow, low moan would be emitted instead drove him crazy. Whenever she was angry, the only thing he had to do was get close enough, and then her eyes would darken their hue and she'd suck in a deep breath. The way her back would arch in pleasure when he curled his fingers just so and her head would be thrown back, exposing that creamy neck, always made him weak in the knees.

After he did the thing with his fingers, she was putty in his hands for the rest of the night; that was what he had come to realise just the night before.

Placing his chin on his hand, Roy blinked to get those thoughts out of his mind, but they simply refused to leave him. Last night they had finally taken it all the way and made love and Roy honestly couldn't get her out of his mind ever since. Being in a relationship for three months and not going further than a few lingering touches had just managed to get him so ridiculously frustrated, he ended up wanting her even more every time they touched flesh to flesh, even if that was merely holding hands. Last night, the relief and passion and utter _love _he had felt had been exceptional. It made him wonder why they had even waited so long to just _do it_. Mere touching, the worst they had done being receiving a blowjob from her and having him fingering her, could no way be compared to what had happened last night.

He sighed for the umpteenth time that day as he listened with half an ear to the passionate speech Ed was currently giving about the mission she had just returned from. Combat boots stomped indignantly on the floor as she paced the office, and Roy briefly wondered if his subordinates in the outer office could hear every word coming out of her mouth. She was cursing and ranting at him right now, and all because he had told her to rewrite that report...

"You're a fucking bastard you know that right?" she said loudly, her usual scowl adorning her face. Roy had told her countless times that by the time she was his age her face would be full of wrinkles. Needless to say, she hadn't given a shit about what he thought, and had complemented her opinion with an insult about him being ancient.

Sighing at the reminder of their argument, he absently repositioned a few papers while he replied, "I'm fully aware, Fullmetal. You so graciously point it out every time you set eyes on me."

The blonde huffed. "Well, I just tell you what's true."

Then, one of the infamous smirks crept up on Roy's face. "Does that apply to what you were telling me last night as well?" he purred seductively, last night still stark fresh in his mind. With every minute that passed the heat pooling in his lower abdomen was slowly but surely increasing, and his gaze started getting deeper as his mind dove into the gutter.

Ed blushed at the mention of their late night activities as her pleasure-induced slurs came to mind. "I–Well, yeah, you're goo– oh fuck you," she settled for instead, scarlet tinting her cheeks and nose as she crossed her arms.

Roy stood up and sauntered casually, predatorily in Ed's books, towards her, smirk stuck on his face. His eyes held _that _gleam, and Edeline took a wary step backwards. "Keep your fucking genitals to yourself, Mustang."

Mustang chuckled, a low, deep sound coming from deep within his chest. It always made Ed's breath hitch when she heard the intimate sound, and now was no different. Without saying a word, he made a quick move towards her, effectively making her trip on the rug starting behind her and fall on the carpeted floor flat on her ass.

She cursed and scowled, glaring daggers at the place she'd tripped as if eye-murdering it. That two-second distraction, however, was all Roy needed to abruptly pounce and pin her hands to either side of her head, face inches from hers and legs straddling her hips.

The blush that dusted her flesh made the lust pooling in his tummy almost unbearable and he licked his lips, watching in slight amusement as golden eyes followed the movement intently.

Ever since the night before he had wanted her again; last night simply not having been enough. All day he had been replaying scenes from the night and the strong desire to see her sweaty and moaning again soon turned to blatant need.

As if she'd been slapped, Ed jolted away from her fantasies and her eyes became focused again. She glared. "Bastard, get _off_," she demanded, jerking her restrained hands pointedly in a futile attempt to free them.

Roy's smirk never faltered as he leaned in to lick the side of her jaw, tongue slowly, tortuously, trailing down to her neck and collarbone. Ed shivered.

"Fucker," she muttered, but it lacked the usual bite. It was just a last weak attempt to get him to back off to save face.

He chuckled in response and nipped continuously at her neck, getting a half-assed squirm out of her before she relinquished and tipped her head back to allow more access.

"You were amazing last night," he breathed huskily in her neck, taking in the shiver that racked her frame with satisfaction. He exhaled deeply, "I missed you already."

The blonde beneath him flushed but managed to frown in disapproval. "W-we're in the office. Wait until we get off wor–_ah!_" she gasped, her hips bucking reflexively when Roy slid his hand under her tight leather pants and ever so slowly stroked her over her underwear.

Her face positively resembled a cherry and she involuntarily rolled her hips, her lips parted in a low moan. Roy grinned mischievously and leaned into her face, their breaths mingling. "You can't get away from me now, can you?"

He had her now; he knew exactly what she liked and how she liked it.

"Mustang..." Ed growled angrily, but her face was already glistering with a thin layer of sweat and Roy could feel the wetness on his fingers. "The door is unlocked, someone might – come in." Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, trying to get her rapid heartbeat under control.

Lips ghosting over her cheek, they stopped at her ear, where teeth bit faintly at the lobe. "Why are you so stubborn?" he whispered, hot breath caressing the sensitive skin and making goose bumps rise on her arms.

Edeline took a deep breath and seemed to be having a hard time formulating coherent sentences as Roy began to rub at her clit teasingly. "We're in the fucking office." Her voice was forced and rough, and the importance of her words was lost when she had to pause for breath.

Roy hummed indifferently and applied faint pressure exactly over her opening, making another sweet moan escape her. Her legs parted seemingly by themselves and her knee accidentally brushed Roy's erection, making him hiss at the sudden friction and thrust forwards instinctively.

Ed cried out, immediately smacking a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. It was bad enough they were stimulating each other in the office, the last thing she wanted was for the whole crew to hear her pleasure-filled noises and come running in.

Then, Roy's hand slipped under her underwear and rubbed against her admittedly very wet entrance – just the way that made her crazy – and the hand on her mouth did little to muffle the strangled moan emitting from her this time. Her back arched and her body seemed to betray her mind as it pressed almost desperately closer to Roy's fingers.

Her legs parted even more in invitation and her hands gripped his shoulders hard as she panted.

"R-Roy..."

It was a plea, and Roy knew exactly what to do. With a faint smirk and a hum, he slid his finger inside her and moved it around as she gasped and arched, humming in pleasure and slurring incoherent encouragements. Roy licked his lips as he gazed at her flushed and admittedly fuckable look; her eyes a molten gold and half-lidded, pupils dilated beyond belief as she stared at him lustfully, hair tangled and dishevelled from her squirming and a furious blush on her cheeks that made her look already fucked.

Adding another finger, he absorbed her moan with satisfaction and slowly but steadily slid his fingers in, out, in, out and again until Ed was biting her lip and tears were gathering at the corners of her eyes. His erection throbbed painfully in-between his legs as he watched her but even he knew they couldn't take it all the way right now; they usually did this sort of thing during lunch, where they could at least have more privacy while everyone was in the mess hall eating – because, even with a locked door, the delicious sounds Ed was making would definitely be heard outside the office; they weren't exactly low in volume. If the others hadn't heard already then he could consider himself extremely lucky.

"C-curl them," Ed stuttered breathlessly, her legs spread apart as far as the tight leather would allow them to. She rolled her hips for emphasis and an expression of pure bliss washed over her face when Roy did as instructed. A long, rapturous moan came out of her red lips and she clenched her muscles, wordlessly telling Roy she was close to coming.

He leaned in and kissed her sweaty forehead, brushing her blonde locks out of her face with his free hand as he added a third finger, making Ed practically melt beneath him. Her grip tightened on his shoulders and she thrust forwards roughly, gasping. Roy chuckled and placed random kisses on her skin; her cheek, her neck, her jaw and, finally, her lips. She reciprocated the action immediately and seemed to subconsciously pull him closer. She stroked the short hairs at his nape with one hand as he continued the slow pace with his fingers, while the other was sloppily unbuttoning his military jacket, shirt following. Their lips brushed against each other's hard but the pace with which they kissed was slow and passionate.

Roy's tongue came to lick her bottom lip, silently asking for entrance, which she instantaneously allowed. Her lips parted and their tongues clashed and twisted together in a dance. The blonde threw his military jacket on the floor next to her and hastily unbuttoned the shirt, immediately running her fingers over the newly offered skin of his chest greedily, nails scratching when he sucked on her tongue.

He broke the kiss, a trail of saliva connecting their bruised lips, and he went straight to her neck, sucking at the vein there made visible when Ed tipped her head back. She growled in pleasure, hands pulling at his hair roughly.

"Quiet, baby, we don't want anyone to hear, do we?" Roy breathed, his voice rough and husky with lust.

Through her pleasure-filled gaze, Ed managed to scowl. "What have I fucking told you about the ridiculous pet names?" she rasped, and Roy snickered, knowing full-well how much she hated being called anything but her name.

"Sorry," he murmured, smirking against her hair. He slid his fingers out of her and Ed's head shot up to meet his gaze, her eyes wide and incredulous. She was panting, her face flushed scarlet and hair dishevelled in a titillating way. "Y-you're not...? I–You bastard," she growled, "I'm so fucking _close _it's not even funny."

Smirking, his hand went back down to stroke her sensitive clit again and Ed drew in a breath, rolling her hips in rapture. Boldly, he squeezed the two mounds together and then pulled them apart, and Ed's face became even redder and she brought her hands up to her face, head smacking against the floor as she trembled.

"Come on, Ed," he whispered huskily, his tongue darting out to lick at the hot flesh of her cheek. Her whole frame shook with her pants and he continued stroking her, sliding fingers in and out again and again until she was arching her back, lips parted in a sweet moan as she came.

Roy felt the wetness on his hand but wasn't particularly bothered by it as he waited as she rode out her orgasm. She clung to him like a lifeline and moaned his name loudly, until she collapsed flat on the floor, panting heavily.

He lay down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, trying his hardest to ignore the twitching of his cock, which was demanding immediate attention. He had started this, and he was rational enough to know they absolutely couldn't get caught with Ed giving him a handjob or, worse, a blowjob. They had been lucky enough to remain uncaught until now; he wasn't about to test his luck.

One thing was sure though; he'd be needing a bathroom break as soon as humanly possible.

Unsteadily, Ed sat up and stared at the barely discernible stain on her black pants with a scowl. "Bastard, how the hell am I supposed to get back to the dorm in _these_?" Then, a mortified expression took over her mildly annoyed one and Roy cocked an eyebrow as he sat up and followed her gaze.

He smirked at what he saw. "Now, that will be a bit more troublesome to get rid of," he drawled, sounding irritatingly smug to Ed's ears as they both stared at the stain on the carpet between her legs.

Ed glared and swatted at his arm. "You're such a fucking asshole."

Grinning, Mustang leaned back smugly, his shirt falling open to expose his pale chest as his hand went to his dishevelled hair. "I try."

* * *

><p><em>AN So, what did ya think? This is honestly the first time I've taken things this far, and it was kind of awkward for me at first but after a while I just got so immersed in it that I just couldn't find it in me to feel uncomfortable anymore XD I have another idea - it's more towards a lemon this time, but it's not finished yet, and the next fic I'll post here is not going to be anywhere near the M section so don't worry. XD _

_I'd love to hear your opinion on this! :)_


	6. Idiot

_A/N Pff nearly pissed myself laughing while typing this XDDD It's good to take a break from the boring day and write this stuff, you know? ^u^ But, ugh, I have school tomorrow *sulks* I guess it's kind of good though, because, exams aside, I'll probably write more of these in class...*laughs nervously*_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Idiot<strong>

**Rating: K+**

**Warning: One curse word and a bit of Roy retard-ness XD**

**Note: They're not in a relationship yet XD**

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

Roy drummed his fingers on the desktop as he waited patiently for the uncharacteristically shy blonde to speak. She had demurely shuffled into his private office about three minutes ago, and had yet to utter a single word to him. Shoulders tense and hands clenched, her head bent and hair concealing her face, Edeline had stood there staring at the floor as she seemingly gathered her thoughts. A pink flush dusted her cheeks as she thought and her combat boots would rub at the floor timidly every now and then.

Roy had no idea what to make of this behaviour. He had never seen it before, and therefore did not know how to deal with it. His first guess was that Ed had done something wrong, and was now berating herself for acting on a whim again and awaiting her punishment as if she assumed Roy had already found out. But Roy didn't know a thing.

He hadn't received any complaints whatsoever. Quite the contrary actually; a couple of officers had called him to offer their praises a couple of days ago as it seemed like Ed had pleased quite a few civilians...

Narrowing his eyes almost imperceptibly, he racked his brains for a credible reason for her sudden bashfulness but came up empty handed. How could this be? Ed had baffled him countless times in the past, but he had always managed to be one step ahead; now, he was left speechless, waiting like an idiot for her to say _something_, hoping it would hint towards the problem.

He was _not _going to admit he hadn't been informed of whatever had transpired. It just hurt his pride too much.

After almost a full five minutes, Ed sighed, and Roy perked up, his eyebrows rising just so.

"C-Colonel," Edeline started shakily, her face flushing a tomato red right after. She bit her bottom lip hard and clenched her eyes shut as if wanting to snatch back the words she had uttered and mold them into something better.

Resting his chin on his fist, Roy leaned forwards on his desk curiously. "Yes, Fullmetal?"

The blonde squeaked amusingly as his baritone voice reached her ears, and sucked in a deep breath, embarrassment consuming her being. Onyx eyes carefully inhaled her every reaction so as to determine what exactly she was feeling about whatever had occurred. It seemed embarrassment was the only thing he could list for sure, but hints of fear and apprehension could be detected by his skilful eye as well.

"T-T-There's something I gotta tell you..." Her hands rubbed together anxiously, and halfway through her sentence, her head had bent back down again, golden eyes avoiding his at all costs.

Rubbing at his temple with one hand absently, Roy gave her an encouraging look but, realising she couldn't see it, he made sure it was held by his tone as he said, "What is it, Fullmetal?"

He didn't want to ask her directly if she had demolished a building or something since, if wrong, she'd bite his head off. She had to tell him herself, and then ideal punishment could be dealt out. Not that he ever punished her severely...

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Ed raised her head, eyes flashing with determination. "I-I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time, b-but I just...I couldn't get it out," she admitted, apparently doing everything in her power to look at him and ignore the growing blush on her cheeks and nose.

"Well then, by all means, shoot." Roy indulged in a small smile, clasping his hands together and resting his chin on top of the weave his fingers formed. It seemed like this wasn't what he had initially thought. If she had wanted to tell him for a while then there was no way she could've done something incredibly terrible, or he would've known a few hours after it happened. This was something else, less important to the military it seemed but the world to her. It was interesting, but he guessed he just had to wait and see.

Edeline shifted her weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, face turning to the right. "Y-You'll probably laugh though..."

He quirked an eyebrow. So it was funny. His mind worked and brought forth all the possibilities within a second. There were certain things that made him laugh, or amused him greatly, but when associated with Ed...

He got it. At least, he thought he had. It was just a quick speculation, and he needed more information to make the guess solid.

"Fullmetal, could you get to the point? I don't know about you but I don't have all day..." He trailed off pointedly and shot a blatant glare at the high stack of papers to his right while Ed seemed to be mentally berating herself for forgetting there were other things in life than her embarrassing but funny confession. Roy could honestly sit here all day though; anything but paperwork.

"O-Okay then..." Her hands clenched into fists and she pursed her lips, before–"I-I am...!" Her mouth snapped shut and her face burned as her eyes widened in horror. She seemed utterly shocked that she couldn't get the words out.

However, Roy's mind quickly analysed those two petty words and quickly came up with results. Something that would make her embarrassed and make him laugh...She is...She is...

Roy grinned.

Standing up from his chair, he slowly sauntered over to the spluttering blonde and clasped her upper arms. He gazed at her sympathetically, his eyes softening and a small smile stretching his lips unbidden.

Ed stared up at him, her face the colour of a cherry and her hands held tightly to her chest. "I..." she started again. "I...you..." Her eyes shut desperately as she seemed unable to get the appropriate words out.

Roy's smile took on a more pitying edge. "I know it's hard for you to admit such a thing Edeline," he breathed, making her breath hitch. She locked gazes with him, unable to tear her eyes away from his. "But don't worry. I know." Yes, he knew. He had figured it out. And it had only taken two petty words. He really was amazing.

Ed blinked stupidly at him, but then a tiny, hopeful smile adorned her face. "Y-You know...?" Poor thing, Roy thought, she looked so hopeful, hoping she wouldn't have to say it.

His eyes filling with sympathy, his hands travelled to her shoulders, where they squeezed reassuringly. "Shall I say it for you?" he offered whole-heartedly. When Ed's eyes lit up with disbelief and happiness, Roy nearly shed a pitying tear. She looked so hopeful that she wouldn't have to say those three words..."You're brave enough for deciding to do this as it is."

Her lips parted slightly, before she murmured, "So...If you know...t-that means that y-you...?"

Smiling, he caressed her hair, making her eyes grow impossibly wide. "You've finally come to your senses, Ed," he started, "To be honest, I can't believe it took you so long to admit it to yourself, let alone to me." He offered a quick grin, making her blush.

"W-Was it t-that obvious...?"

Roy frowned slightly and shook his head in mild astonishment. She hadn't even been _aware _of the truth all these years...He just couldn't believe it. No wonder she was embarrassed for _finally _realising it. And it only took three words. She only needed to say those three words and their lives would change forever. But it was hard for her, Roy understood.

"Yes, Ed. It was...painfully obvious."

The blonde's blush went all the way down to her neck and Roy heard a hissed, "_Shit_" escape her before she gulped, lifting a hand to brush a few golden locks out of her eyes. "I...I am..."

"Shhh," Roy shushed softly, placing a finger over her lips and making her face flush a deeper shade of red, if that was even possible. "I'll say it for you."

Ed smiled then, albeit a bit hesitantly but hopeful all the same. Her eyes lit up in anticipation, and her hands toyed with each other as she waited. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath as she waited for the words..._I am..._

"You're short."

Snapping her eyes open, she stared incredulously into the eyes of the man in front of her. _ I am...I am..._

Face scrunching up in anger as comprehension dawned on her, she promptly connected her fist to his face, watching in satisfaction as Roy fell to the floor, rubbing his cheek.

"IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

* * *

><p><em>AN Isn't idiot!Roy just the cutest thing!? No? Okay...*sulks in the corner* _

_I just have these weird head-canons guys, bear with me..._

_More weird head-canons to come by the way...They'll never end..._


	7. Workaholics

_A/N Here's a lemon...I couldn't resist goddamn it! Writing this shit is too good for words. I just...just...god...what am I doing instead of studying for exams? Answer? Writing about my OTP fucking...great..._

_It IS great!_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Workaholics<strong>

**Rating: M**

**Warning: Lemon, language.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Edeline pushed herself down, letting out a sweet moan as Roy's length dug deeper and deeper inside of her. She pushed up, and then back down again, panting, her hands resting on his chest, nails digging painfully in his flesh as she tried to compose herself. "F-Fuck," she breathed, absently wiping the saliva dripping down her chin.

She had waltzed into his office about an hour ago, and it had taken him one lasting look to make a safe speculation about what mood she was in. She had that horny aura around her as she tried, and successfully managed, to get him hard just by talking dirty, and it only took a few minutes for him to hop onto the desk and let Ed loom over him before stripping him of his clothes, starting with his pants.

Roy watched his lover's flushed appearance, her lust-filled eyes currently shut as she focused exclusively on the pleasure. He crossed his arms behind his head like a pillow and observed her every action and reaction. Honestly speaking, it took him everything he had not to flip her over and pound into her until she screamed in pleasure. She obviously liked it this way, and Roy couldn't deny that her sweaty and flushed look was very entertaining to gaze at.

She clenched around him suddenly, and he instinctively bucked his hips with a gasp, as she threw her head back in ecstasy. "D-damn it, Edeline."

"A-ah...Roy..."

He was lying rather comfortably on the desk in his office, Ed straddling his hips as she ground against him and made all those delicious noises. To be frank, Roy had been at his wit's end with the goddamn paperwork, and Edeline coming to relieve him was a godsend. Not that he wouldn't have accepted anyway, but still; he had an excuse now at least.

Ed moaned and bent over to place her hands on his waist to catch her breath. She seemed tired, but she had told him she wanted to carry this out till the end, so Roy didn't even question switching. Watching her moan his name while riding his cock, face and neck glistering with sweat and golden eyes glazed over with lust was just too arousing to give up.

Her hair was a mess, fringe clinging to her wet skin and, as she lifted her head to stare at the ceiling, muttering futile encouragements, Roy stared at the tendons in her neck with badly concealed desire.

He licked his lips as his eyes travelled lower, from her perfectly shaped collarbone to her unfortunately covered breasts. She had shed everything but her tank top, and Roy scowled, reaching out to tug at the hemline of the offending clothing before his mind even registered his actions.

The pull caught Ed's attention and she opened a single eye, red lips parted with her pants, but she somehow managed to look inquisitive.

"Take it off," Roy told her huskily, tugging once more. The tank top clung to her tanned flesh like a second skin, and Roy could discern her hardened nipples as clear as day from under it, but it still acted as a barrier between him and her body, however thin.

Ed's hands were shaking as she took a deep breath, absently running a hand through her blonde locks, making them even more dishevelled. "We're in the office," she breathed, voice raspy. Her lips had gone dry from all the breaths she had sucked in and all the pants she had let out. "W-We might get caught…"

Roy smirked then, propping himself up on his elbows and cocking an eyebrow at her. "I think we're already screwed if that happens," he chuckled, savouring Ed's blush. "I don't think having your tank top on will save us, Ed."

Ed grunted, but Roy could tell she begrudgingly agreed with him. Crossing her arms under her bust, she glared at him. "Why do you care if I'm wearing my tank top anyway?" she asked, raising a brow when his smirk widened.

Hands travelling up her bare thighs suggestively, just above her automail on her left one, his fingers ghosted over the goose bumps that had risen. He rolled his hips just so, and the gasp she emitted was followed by a furious string of curses as she threw her head back. "I want to see your breasts jumping up and down with your thrusts," he purred seductively in that low, baritone voice he knew drove her mad.

Predictably, the blonde's face scrunched up and she flushed scarlet all the way down to her neck and to the tips of her ears. She panted, slowly recovering from the newest bout of pleasure, and wrapped an arm around her breasts protectively while using the other one to slap softly at his chest.

"Fucking pervert," she hissed, involuntarily clenching around his throbbing erection and making him emit a pleasure-filled groan. Panting, he slowly allowed a mildly amused expression to take over his features.

"_I'm _the pervert? Last time I checked, you're the one who practically pounced on me and is currently sitting on my dick."

Edeline blushed crimson and growled, before pulling her tank top over her head in one fluid motion and throwing it on the floor unceremoniously. She hissed softly at the difference of her body temperature with that of the office. "There. Happy now?"

Roy licked his lips, staring hungrily at the way her hair framed her face and cascaded over her shoulders, taking shape around her breasts. He didn't bother replying as he reached out, grasping her hips and pushing her up and then down on him, making her gasp a moan, breasts bouncing with the movement.

"Roy!" she cried, biting her lip hard. "_Fuck yes_."

His fingers trailed up her body, past her sides and to her chest. One hand slipped behind to her back, pulling her closer, while the other lost no time, cupping her breast tenderly and toying with the pert nipple.

Ed gasped, thrusting roughly, an action that sent them both panting and very close to the edge. She had literally been the first and last one to make Roy come before her.

He thrust upwards, making the blonde cry out and reciprocate the action. Idly, he noticed they had managed to push his paperwork on the floor, as well as stamps and various pens and items that had been occupying his desk, but he was too busy coming that he couldn't find it in him to care. He gripped her hips hard enough to leave bruises, his eyes clenched shut and his mouth open, emitting a moan.

"Shi–" Ed smacked her hands over her mouth to muffle a loud moan as she felt Roy come inside her. Her eyes clenched shut as her body trembled, desperately seeking release. Leaning over him until her breasts were flat against his chest, she moved just _so, _biting her lip hard as another layer of sweat started coating her skin. She was so close.

She thrust again, moaning loudly and sloppily connecting their lips. The kiss was messy, a trail of saliva running down their chins as Roy sucked on her tongue, hands slipping to her behind to grope her ass before pushing her forward, burying his erection deeper inside her from this angle.

Ed broke the kiss with a gasp, "_Holy _fucking_ shit!"_ leaving her wet lips in a yell as she thrust harder, perspiration dripping down her forehead. She trembled and barely caught herself from collapsing, panting quickly.

Roy breathed in and out fast and held onto her, watching with satisfaction as she rode out her orgasm. She went slack soon after a few more thrusts, falling on top of him, chest heaving and blonde hair sprawled all over his sweaty chest. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck, head resting on his shoulder as she calmed.

He wrapped his lethargic arms around her waist, stroking her back tenderly with his thumbs. "That…was amazing," he breathed, smiling when Ed hummed, seemingly subconsciously snuggling up to him.

Her fingers ran down his chest, an action that he always found immensely relaxing when it was done by her, and he unwittingly felt himself loosening up, muscles unwinding and head resting on the desk. He could honestly stay here all day with her, like this. The calm mornings they spent together were just not enough, what with having to get up early to go to work and all...

He made a promise to himself he'd take her out to dinner Friday night and keep her all the weekend to himself. And he didn't care what Alphonse had to say about that.

The peace was shattered by a knock on the door, the sound so ominous it sent them both into a panicked frenzy. Before he could even blink, Ed was on the floor, picking up her clothes as if her life depended on it – which it kind of did. Hawkeye's voice met their ears.

"Sir, I think you've had enough play time for today. Get back to work. Ed, the Colonel has a lot of work to do so please don't distract him any longer. I'm still waiting for those files from you as well, so start working."

A blush slowly crept up on Roy's cheeks as the Lieutenant had so blatantly mentioned their 'play time' in front of the whole office, and one glance at Ed was all he needed to confirm the furious blush that had slammed onto her cheeks. Had they been that loud?

She dressed herself at the speed of light and was out the door before Roy had even put his pants back on properly. Her hair was dishevelled and her clothes wrinkled and, if he had to be completely honest, he'd say she looked like she'd just been fucked, but she had been too quick for him to warn her about her giveaway appearance.

The moment Ed stepped out the door she was met with Hawkeye's blank face. She gave a sheepish grin and left the door ajar behind her to block the view of the evidence of their activities. A quick glance at the desk told Roy he'd have to clean it thoroughly first if he wanted to work on it. He really didn't think the higher-ups would appreciate cum stains on the formal documents...Not to mention that said documents, as well as various other things previously on his desk, were now strewn carelessly on the floor...

"What's this about me not working?" he heard Ed huff, trying to sound innocent but failing big time. She fingered the collar of her tank top and shifted, grinning nervously. "I _am _working."

The snickers that came from the rest of the crew made her blush, a scowl forming on her face. "What're _you _laughin' at, huh!?" she snapped, hands clenching into fists.

"Nah, Boss," Havoc started, leaning back in his chair leisurely, cigarette hanging from his lips lazily. "It seems like you had a really _great _time _working _in there, is all." Breda snorted a loud laugh at that, and Havoc offered him a cheeky grin before continuing. "I don't think I've ever heard such obviously _pleased _noises come from you two while _working_. Geez, what's gotten into you two and made you workaholics all of a sudden, hm?"

There was a snort from Breda again, before he continued for his friend. "Working _that _much is bad for your health you know."

Havoc snickered as Fuery blushed at all the implications, before grabbing a thick notebook from the desk and looking at Edeline eagerly. "So..." he began, lips twitching into a smirk just as Roy came to stand right behind her. "Who came first?" He wiggled his eyebrows for emphasis as Roy spluttered, glancing at Ed, who was wearing a mildly surprised and undeniably smug expression.

"Roy did," she answered casually, watching all their eager faces turn into shocked ones as they stared numbly at Mustang. They had obviously thought the opposite had happened.

Then, their expressions turned into ones of defeat as, one by one, they walked over and placed money into Hawkeye's awaiting hand.

* * *

><p><em>AN Hawkeye's the boss bitchez! 8D God, I love her in those fics where she ships RoyEd like a fangirl, you know? She's so badass in those. _

_Soooo...did you like the lemon shiz? eh? Because I certainly liked writing it! Lol, I could write so much more for this but then it'd be too detailed and too much detail is not for this site, meh..._

_More to come though, _that's _for suuuuuureeeee_


	8. Band-Aid

_A/N Heya! God, it feels like ages since I've updated when it's actually only a few days lol. Anyway, this little one-shot was actually started a few weeks ago but I had to stop half way because I had places to be and then I found it hard to get into it again so I left it - then, sudden inspiration hit and I finished it off just now. :3  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Band-Aid<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: Language.**

**Note: Ed and Roy are not in a relationship in this yet, as you'll probably guess. **

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

"…Why do you keep doing this?"

Ed remained quiet as Roy carefully dabbed at the cut on her cheek. She hissed as it stung, but didn't protest.

At her silence, Roy sighed, pausing for a moment to give her a half disapproving half concerned look. When she met his gaze unflinchingly, he emitted another sigh and stood from his crouch to get a clean towel. Ed remained seated in one of the kitchen chairs as Roy bustled about, staring at her hands in her lap.

Mustang returned, crouching back down in front of her, and started wiping at the dirt on her arms and hands. He frowned at the angry purple bruises and red marks, and applied less pressure whenever he went over one. Once he was done the towel was ready to be thrown in the wash, soil and faint traces of blood covering its white surface.

He threw it unceremoniously to the side and grabbed a bandage from the first aid kit on his right hand side, before gently lifting her left arm and wrapping her forearm.

"It keeps getting worse, Ed." At his voice she glanced at him, before averting her gaze once more. Mustang shook his head as he inspected her foot. "This is twisted pretty badly, you know." Again, no answer. He sighed, rubbing absently at his forehead. "Will you at least say _something_?"

Pulling the large bowl with the hot water towards him, he slowly eased Ed's foot in it, the scalding water making her flinch before she got used to it.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" she murmured, intertwining her fingers as she lowered her head even further. Her hair fell over her shoulders and covered her eyes, making Roy unable to see her expression. He didn't need to see it though to know she looked guilty.

"An explanation would be nice," he said conversationally, placing a hand on her chin and tilting her head up just so, before sticking a band-aid over the cut on her cheek. She sighed, and he placed a hand on her flesh knee, effectively making her lock gazes with him in slight surprise. "This has been happening for three weeks now. I think it's time you tell me what's happening."

The blonde pouted and looked away, crossing her arms with a wince as her injuries rubbed against the fabric of her tank top.

Roy frowned, his patience running thin. His face turned stern, his arms crossing over his chest in a superior manner. "Fullmetal, you've been coming almost every night to my house full of injuries. I've tolerated this long enough. Tell me what's going on or I'll find out myself. I'm giving you a choice here."

Edeline didn't seem to take nicely to his sudden professionalism though, because she snarled, golden eyes glaring daggers at midnight blue ones. Scowling, she hissed, "It's not my fault those bastards are exactly that!" Leaning back in the chair, she crossed her automail leg over her injured flesh one. "They deserved everything they got." Then, she paused as her face took on a thoughtful look. "I think one of them might need to make a trip to the hospital..." Smirking cockily, she added, "Bastard deserves it."

Roy sighed, rubbing at his temples as a headache came fourth. It was well over midnight and as usual his sleep had been interrupted by a furious knock on the door, followed by yelling. When he had successfully been roused from his sleep and got downstairs to open the door, it was to come face to face with an injured, often bleeding Edeline Elric.

The first time it had happened he had been alarmed, ready to storm upstairs and grab his gloves, before getting precise instructions from Ed and proceeding to fry some ass, but when the blonde had exasperatedly told him to shut the fuck up and treat her injuries, as if what had transpired had been nothing but the outcome of bad luck, Roy had been left with a strong feeling of bafflement.

He had tried, time and time again, especially after she kept coming for a week, to find out just _what _was going on, but she had brushed it aside with a nonchalant comment each time, as if it wasn't anything to worry one's ass over. He had made her promise to tell him if it got too bad, but when she kept returning to him, face and arms bruised and bloodied, the anger burning low in his chest soon became a roaring fire, wanting to burn whoever was responsible. Ed wasn't helping his frustration with her silence though. Roy just wished she'd come out and _say it._

"Why were you in a fight?" he inquired, surreptitiously looking her over for any other hidden wounds. She had a habit of keeping the worst ones concealed, and Roy just didn't want to risk it.

Ed snorted then, huffing right after and sticking her bottom lip out petulantly. "Because people were being assholes, why do you think?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, his headache throbbed painfully with every evasive reply she gave. Why wouldn't she get to the point? What was she hiding? Roy couldn't help but wonder if what was happening was _that _bad. Following that thought, traces of fear began to blend with the anger, morphing into something very close to protectiveness. "And _why _were they being assholes, Edeline? What do they do to offend you _each _and _every _time?"

Looking at her through his eyelashes, Roy was surprised to find her looking sheepish, ever so slightly.

"Well," she started, shifting in the chair and rubbing absently at her nape. "It's not the same guys I beat up each time."

Roy paused at that, staring at her blankly for a moment as his mind processed this new information. He had been under the impression that the same gang had been offending Ed to the point of starting a fight, but just now Ed had refuted that very assumption. This got infinitely more complicated by the addition of this tiny detail, and Roy's emotions battled for dominance. Was this supposed to be good or bad?

Standing up and grimacing as his knees popped, he stretched while trying not to look like an old man and grabbed a nearby chair, plopping down in it and placing his elbows on his knees. Now he would be able to converse better with the blonde opposite him.

"Edeline," he started sombrely, making Ed sober up and glance at him. "I won't ask again. _What _is going on?"

Squirming uncomfortably, the blonde bit her lip as she glared at the floor. Her hands clenched around each other in her lap in characteristic anger and Roy found himself unwittingly waiting for an explosion.

Just when he thought it would happen, the blonde sighed and muscles went lax, leaving Roy feeling inexplicably disappointed. He had always known he had a thing for Ed being angry – the way her face would become as red as a cherry and her eyes would light up with fierce infuriation, the scowl only enhancing the appealing look – but he honestly hadn't thought his weird kink would go this far...

He abruptly derailed that train of thought as more pressing matters came forth. Ed sighing in what could only be _defeat _was uncharacteristic. And when uncharacteristic things happened with Ed, Roy knew one thing for sure; something was very wrong. And Ed had come to accept it.

Frowning, he waited as Edeline seemed to be organising her thoughts. That was uncharacteristic behaviour as well; the blonde always said what she had to say the moment she wanted to say it, however it came out. That little habit had resulted in many amusing slip-ups in the past, and Roy had even tried to get her to see that speaking before thinking it over was a bad idea when in the military, but she hadn't listened. As usual.

Hand on her chin and brows pinched in thought, Ed stared off into space. What seemed like hours but was merely a few seconds, a minute at most, passed and Ed snapped out of whatever trance she had been in and huffed, crossing he arms under her bust and turning her gaze to the side.

Her lips moved in a low murmur that Roy didn't catch. "What was that?"

The colour on her cheeks was undeniable as she repeated what she said. "I _said, _they think I am your fuck toy."

Roy had never believed in those moments people described as 'time stopping', but that was exactly how he felt at the moment as his eyes widened in pure shock. He was sure his face had lost whatever colour it had, but he couldn't find it in him to care as his mind went blank, only replaying Ed's words.

"_What_?" he blurted, his voice incredulous with strong traces of anger.

Ed continued though, as if wanting to finish before she lost her nerve. The flush on her cheeks became more pronounced, but Roy wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or anger. Probably both. "It's...It's a rumour, apparently, going around Headquarters about you...taking advantage of me. I have no idea _who _started it or _why_ but every time I go for my night walk there are these _whispers_. I absolutely _hate _it!" she hissed, her hands clenching in tight fists as her face twisted into a scowl. "They think I'm your _whore_!"

Now, Roy could understand exactly what had brought on this violent behaviour. Edeline was generally a violent person, but Roy knew she had a soft heart inside and wouldn't harm anyone if she didn't think they thoroughly _deserved _it. And, apparently, they _did._

She wasn't weak, and would never allow anyone, not even him, to take advantage of her for any reason, so he could comprehend her anger all too well.

He had opened his mouth to speak, but Ed cut him off.

"–How _dare _they talk like that about you! Don't the military fuckers see what you do for them? They wouldn't even be able to see a good leader if he smacked them in the face!"

Roy froze as her words suck in, feeling time stop for him a second time that day. He was sure his heart skipped a beat when his breath hitched and, as Ed realised what she'd said, her wide-eyed look would've been comical had he not been so undeniably _flattered _ at that moment.

The blush adorning her cheeks now was definitely because of embarrassment. "I–I didn't m-mean that!" she exclaimed, her hands flying in front of her to shake negatively in a desperate attempt to save face, but Roy could only stare at her.

"You beat them up because of what they insinuated about _me_?" he asked numbly, watching as Ed spluttered and flushed a tomato red. She squeezed her eyes shut and mouthed a desperate and inaudible "Noooooo" at herself before looking at him with a humiliated expression.

"Well..." She shifted awkwardly in the chair, raising her foot from the hot water and staring at the slightly reddened flesh as if she had never seen it before. "It was...mean," she finished lamely.

Roy continued to stare at her, but slowly, as the shock wore off, his features settled into a satisfied and touched smile. Which almost immediately turned into a mischievous smirk. "Why, Fullmetal, I never knew you cared this much."

Ed's blush intensified and she growled at the familiar teasing tone and infuriating smirk. "Can it, bastard. I'm not in the mood for your mocking and stupid smirks."

"I'm not mocking you."

"Well it sure as fuck sounds like it!" Ed snapped, attempting to stand, only to hiss as she applied pressure on her twisted ankle.

On instinct, Roy shot up from his chair and grasped her elbow, steadying her. "Easy now, idiot. You're injured, remember?"

"How could I forget?" she grumbled, "Bastards were quite the fighters this time. Fucking assholes they were."

Huffing, she scowled at their feet as Roy shook his head in exasperation. He eased her back in the chair, before walking over to the fridge. "Want anything to eat?" he asked casually, "I don't know about you but I'm in the mood for chocolate."

Ed snorted at that, lips curling into an amused smile as he folded her arms. "You're in the mood for chocolate every time I come here." Raising an eyebrow, she crossed her legs. "Is it just a coincidence or are you actually addicted to the stuff?"

While she was speaking, Roy grabbed one of the bars of chocolate he stored in his fridge and peeled the cover off it before sinking back in his chair and taking a bite. He broke off half and handed it to Ed, who took it mutely. "It's the stress you give me, brat," he shot back, taking another bite. "Though I have to admit I am pretty fond of the stuff."

At his first comment Ed shot him a mildly annoyed glare, but it left a second later and was replaced by an eye roll. "Geez, Mustang, even I'm not that bad."

"That's because Alphonse doesn't let you."

"Shut up."

Flashing a triumphant grin, Roy popped the rest of the chocolate into his mouth before standing once more to fetch two glasses of water for them. As he opened the cupboard he kept the glasses in, he asked, "Can you walk?"

Ed glanced at him confusedly for a moment before shrugging. "I can, but it'll probably hurt like hell. Why?"

Setting the glass right in front of her, he gulped his water down quickly before answering. "Then you can't get back to the dorms."

At that she blinked, only just realising that, indeed, she had no way of getting back to the dorm she shared with Al. "Oh," she said flatly, "I hadn't...thought of that."

She shifted uncomfortably in the chair, grabbing the glass and sipping the water before holding it tightly in her hands, eyes focusing on the reflexion of herself the water provided.

"Stay here."

Her head snapped up to him so fast she felt dizzy, and she had to wait a couple of seconds for her vision to clear. "Come again?"

Roy looked at her amusingly for a moment, before coming to stand next to her. "You can't walk back to the dorms and there's no way I am driving you there at this time of night. I have a guest room and a couch, you actually have two options to choose from."

The blonde's brows were rising higher and higher at every word and at the end she smirked. "What?" she teased, "Your room not option three?" She chuckled when he raised his eyebrows but waved a hand dismissively. "I'm just kidding. Don't think that those rumours will ever become tru–"

"Don't listen to those rumours," Roy found himself hissing, effectively cutting her off. She seemed startled by the rare show of such intense emotion, and Roy huffed, crossing his arms. "And you know what? Make my room option three."

A hot flush washed over Edeline, dirtying her cheeks a deep scarlet all the way down to her neck and ears. "Y-you bastard, I w-was just–"

Again Roy cut her off, but not with words this time. He stood in front of her and placed a hand at the back of her head, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his arms around her neck. Since she was sitting on the chair, her face was buried in his stomach, and Roy could have sworn he could feel the heat of her face seeping in through his shirt. Her cheeks were on fire, but her hands hesitantly grabbed his shirt on each of his sides.

"Thank you for defending me," he murmured, the deep sound coming from his chest as Ed's ear was flush against him.

She blushed harder, burying her face into his shirt in embarrassment as he tentatively, and admittedly a bit awkwardly, stroked her hair. "You're an idiot," she mumbled. "And you know what? I-I think I'll choose option three."

Roy couldn't help the soft smile that stretched his lips.

* * *

><p><em>AN Gosh, I swear these two are going to be the death of me. they're just so undeniably CUTE! The amount of energy I've spent fangirling about these two is just...undefinable. _

_THIS IS MY DAMN OTP_

_And now, tell me the truth, isn't the notion of Roy being addicted to chocolate just one of _the cutest things _that have ever existed!? Damn it, those head-canons of mine...I'm so sorry TAT. Bear with me.  
><em>


	9. Socks

_A/N Heya! God, I've been wanting to write this one since FOREVER! It was actually the reason why I started this whole collection! Because I wanted to write it and post it so much but wouldn't know how people would react if it was a stand-alone fic...So I decided I should start this collection...and...HERE IT IS! _

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Socks<strong>

**Rating: K+**

**Warning: One curse word :3**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Okay, I admit it. You're cute."

Roy glanced up from his novel and gazed at his lover, eyebrows raised in surprise. Edeline was staring at him with an expression of badly concealed amusement, her own alchemy book nestled in her lap.

Roy blinked confusedly. "What?"

Chuckling, Ed placed her book on the coffee table in front of her, leaning back on the couch and folding her arms. "You're cute," she repeated, watching as Roy cocked his head to the side, eyebrows pulling down in a frown.

"Men are not cute."

Ed rolled her eyes, crossing her legs leisurely. "You're not a _man_," she scoffed.

Roy was offended. Shoving his bookmark firmly in-between the pages of his novel, he set it next to him on the armchair, full attention now on Ed. "I _am _a man," he deadpanned, his lips curling in a half-pout. "And I thought you would have realised that by now."

Ed snorted, quirking a brow as she stared pointedly at his feet. "Yeah," she laughed, "I thought you were a man too." She paused, eyes going from his feet to his eyes and back again. "Until I saw _those _on your feet."

Instinctively, onyx eyes glanced down, taking in the sight of his covered feet. Ed continued. "Honestly, Roy, and I thought those slippers were bad."

Cheeks pink and bottom lip stuck out, Roy sulkily raised his feet in-between them. "What's wrong with them?" he grouched, wiggling his toes for emphasis.

Ed sighed and ran a hand through her hair, but the corners of her mouth were twitching upwards. "You want a list?"

Roy was positively pouting now, crossing his arms and sinking in the armchair. "I thought you'd like them. _I _certainly found them awesome."

"Awesome?" Ed asked incredulously. "Roy, those socks are–"

"–Badass?"

"–Childish!" Ed exclaimed, eyes wide in disbelief. Huffing a laugh, she leaned back on the couch. "Who would've known the Flame Alchemist would be such a baby?"

"Hey," Roy interjected in a reminding tone. "You call me baby sometimes."

A blush crept up her cheeks unbidden, making her look utterly adorable to him. "O-Only when y-you're doing something cute," she defended, sticking out her bottom lip and matching Roy's previous look. "And I don't say it in a _fond _way or something, I just–" She cut herself off upon noticing Roy's bored look, and growled. "Those socks are ridiculous though!"

Roy stared at his feet thoughtfully, eyes narrowed and lip curling cutely. "I'm the Flame Alchemist," he huffed eventually, "These suit me."

Edeline groaned, rubbing at her eyes. "For Truth's sake, Roy, and I _honestly _thought those fluffy slippers were bad..."

"They're not bad! They're really comfy..."

"...At least they're black."

"I like black."

"I can see that. " She eyed his socks again.

Roy huffed, in one quick motion bringing his feet under him to hide them from her scrutiny, eyes narrowed in a glare. "Will you stop staring at them? It makes me feel self-conscious."

"Well I would if you'd just take them off!"

"Then you stop sleeping with that teddy bear!"

"I–" Ed flushed scarlet, the blush covering the skin all the way down to her neck, over her nose and to the tips of her ears. "It helps with the nightmares, you know that! A-And sleeping with it doesn't bother you!"

"Yes it does," Roy murmured petulantly, "Especially when you kick me away in your sleep to snuggle with it instead."

Edeline stared at him blankly, but her face was still crimson. "I – I don't...do that."

"Yes you do."

She looked guilty now, eyes gazing everywhere but at him and hands fiddling with each other.

"Anyway," he went on, as a means to change the subject. He wasn't too fond of making her feel guilty. It made him feel weird inside, heart squeezing and chest hurting. "My wearing these socks doesn't bother you either."

As if he flipped the switch, Ed shot an admonishing look his way, before pursing her lips, as if bracing herself for something. "Please tell me you don't wear them for work...?"

At his blank look, she groaned. "I will _never _be able to look at the smirking bastard in the office the same way again..."

Roy scowled. "It's not like you gave me any respect in the first place. What'll change if you know I wear these socks in my boots?"

Ed stared at him, pursing her lips in an almost pitying look. "A lot of things," she whispered, "So much..."

"Pull something that involves taking shoes off in the office and I'll kill you."

She laughed at that, shaking her head. "Hadn't even thought of it, idiot. Only I get to see this side of you."

"Was that possessiveness I heard?" he teased, a smirk making its way onto his lips.

Cheeks flushing, she huffed, "I just won't be able to look you in the eye without bursting out laughing."

He rolled his eyes, looking at his feet again. "I don't get what's so bad about them. They're really warm and I like them."

Ed shook her head slowly in exasperation, though her lips were lifted in a gentle, fond smile and her eyes had softened. Really, Roy could always find ways to surprise her, making a new side of him known just when she thought she had witnessed them all. She sighed. "You're still cute though."

"Men are not cute!"

"_You_ are."

"Just because I wear socks? Geez..."

"_No_," Ed corrected, "Because you wear _those _socks. There's a bloody difference."

Roy's eyebrow twitched and he puffed his cheeks in exasperation. "What's wrong with my socks?"

"For fuck's sake, Roy!" Ed exclaimed, throwing her hands up when he glowered. "They have tiny red flames all over them!"

"I'm the Flame Alchemist, it's excused!"

"I'm done," Ed deadpanned flatly, standing up and slowly walking out of the room, hands raised in defeat. "I'm _so _done."

Roy huffed, drawing his knees to his chest and groping his sock-covered feet. "I'm done with you and your teddy bears too," he was left to murmur jealously, head resting on his knees as he sulked. He stared at his feet, observing the black socks sporting small red flames with a frown.

"I am _not _cute."

* * *

><p><em>AN YES YOU ARE ROY! *bounces up and down, squealing* Goddamn it, he's so cute! So yeah, this is just another one of my head-canons...Guys, seriously, one glance at Roy and you can't help but think "He wears flame-y socks" Well, that's what_ I _thought...And Ed with that teddy bear...makes you wonder what in the world I was thinking during school today...And I had an exam today...Ancient Greek...I'm pretty positive I failed badly. Cause I couldn't study, because i don't like the lesson you know? I can't study things I don't like. That's not always good though...If I fail that class, God knows what'll happen..._

_Wish me luck!_

_Gosh, I actually wrote _two _of these one-shots! I just have to finish up the other one...Dork!Roy is absolutely awesome and cute. Yes, the cutest thing that has ever existed. Period. _


	10. Chair

_A/N Whoa! Look who's here with 4,000 words for yaaaaaa! I never thought I'd write such a long one-shot for this collection but guess what! IT HAPPENED. The idea just popped up at random and I honestly thought it'd be like 1,000 words but noooo the plot bunny was big. And fat. And awesome. _

_I hope you laugh, because I certainly did XDDDDDDD Btw, sorry if you find a few typos - my eyes are really tired and I only read it through twice but I'm too eager to post it to wait till tomorrow XD  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Chair<strong>

**Rating: T/close to M to be honest  
><strong>

**Warning: Suggestions/implications, a few curse words and assumed yaoi xP**

**Notes: The majority of this fic is written from Riza's POV, hence the referring to Ed as 'he'. It's not a mistake and it's not yaoi. XD**

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

Riza sorted through her paperwork quietly, signing the ones that required her signature and filing others appropriately. The office had been silent for the better part of the day, though Havoc and Breda would engage in a few whispered conversations every now and then. Hawkeye couldn't complain, however; they had been doing a splendid job on their paperwork today, so the fleeting breaks were excused.

Signing another paper, Riza mentally checked off the things on the list the Colonel had to do or be informed of.

Leafing quickly through a document on her desk, she was satisfied to see her boss's signature. Paperwork for General Hakuro – _check._

She placed the document on her left hand side, where she set everything complete or checked off her mental list. Next, she stood up and sauntered to the bookshelf searching for the needed dossier, hand on her chin thoughtfully. Once her eyes caught a glimpse of the inked letters, she took it out, letting the other dossiers next to it fall to cover the sudden gap. She paid it no heed, however, as she opened the dossier to check if her commanding officer had filed the paperwork needed.

_Check_.

Riza placed the dossier back in its place and sat back on her chair, grabbing another manila folder from the desktop to flick through it. She scanned the contents before standing up, walking to the inner office door.

The file had been sent officially, of course, by General Alchof, giving orders on behalf of the Fuhrer. It was this time of year, when the military decided to take care of the building and the offices, replacing broken furniture and making other, more general changes. One year they even went as far as to repaint the walls in the halls and offices of those with rank of Brigadier General and up.

The file in her hand had come only because Hawkeye had noticed the broken wheel on the Colonel's chair, and figured it would be distracting and uncomfortable. The undefined stains and rips in the leather weren't attractive either, so Riza had asked, about a month ago, for a new chair to be brought to him. The folder she was currently gripping made her remember that she hadn't actually informed him yet. He'd surely appreciate it.

Raising a fist, she knocked, waiting until the muffled and undeniably bored 'come in' met her ears.

She saluted after walking in, not bothering to shut the door behind her – she'd only be a minute.

"Hawkeye," the Colonel acknowledged bluntly. He was evidently not sure if her presence meant good or bad news.

Hawkeye relaxed her stance almost unnoticeably, ignoring his wary look. "Sir, General Alchof has issued the repair files for this year."

The moment Roy had heard enough to deem the matter unimportant, he visibly slackened, slumping in his chair and sighing, hand running over his face tiredly before he grabbed his coffee. The Lieutenant didn't need prompting to continue.

"I have made sure to get your chair changed, sir."

Mustang had been in the middle of gulping his coffee like his life depended on it when her words registered and he spit it out unceremoniously, hacking and coughing as the liquid spilled on his desk , luckily not staining any important documents.

"_What!?_" Roy all but screeched, his voice hoarse from the coughing. Ignoring Hawkeye's baffled look, he grabbed some tissues and wiped his chin, where coffee had been dripping from, and then proceeded to wipe furiously at his slightly stained uniform and desk.

Riza watched him contemplatively as he threw the tissues in the bin and took a deep breath.

"Why would you want to change my chair, Lieutenant?" he inquired after clearing his throat, speaking much more calmly after the shock had passed. He looked nervous, Riza noticed with a frown. He kept squirming in his chair, avoiding her gaze. But why would he be anxious about something?

"Sir?" she questioned cautiously when he continued avoiding her gaze. She pursed her lips at his unnerving behaviour. "I thought you'd want that chair gone. One wheel's missing and there are rips and several stains–" She cut herself off abruptly when noticing the sudden blush she was sure the Colonel would kill to smother effectively.

She didn't get it. Obviously, there was something up – she was definitely missing something, but she couldn't for the life of her figure it out. The chair was broken – and he needed a new one. Why all the fuss?

Her thoughts, now convinced the matter wasn't professional, started forming conclusions and notions based on what she knew of his private life. Her mind, she realised a moment later in dismay, had dived straight in the gutter. Well, it _could _be an explanation to why his paperwork was almost never delivered on time despite his relatively punctual arrival in the morning. And considering his..._active _'fun time'...she wouldn't really put it past him.

She was not authorised to make such a personal question, especially about _that _of all things, but she couldn't help taking the first step.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Roy visibly winced, biting his lip as if he knew what was coming. She could almost see the gears turning in his head as he debated it _really _seriously, and then sighed in resignation. "Permission granted, Lieutenant."

Riza straightened, took a deep breath and made sure to look him in the eye. "Have you been shoving your hands in your pants during office hours? Sir," she added as an afterthought. She could've easily phrased the question less embarrassingly, but watching the emotions Mustang was trying but failing to stop from playing on his face like a movie was highly entertaining. Anyhow, it was that or her gun.

Once he got himself under control, he cleared his throat loudly, glancing at her disapprovingly. Not necessarily because of her question, since he had given her permission, but more for the _way _she voiced it.

"No, Lieutenant, I have not been _masturbating _in the office," he grit out, emphasising the word she could've used instead of the blunt 'shove your hands in your pants'. That was just plain rude.

Riza lifted an eyebrow just as the others slowly and hesitantly strolled in the inner office. They had obviously heard the word the Colonel had stressed, and were more than eager to find out what the deal was. Riza could've bet money that they thought she had caught their commander in the act.

"Then why wouldn't you want anyone to take your current chair away?"

"Huh? What? The Colonel has semen on his chair?" Havoc nosely butted in, standing on his tip-toes as a means to catch a glimpse of the leather chair the Colonel was slouching in without getting too close.

"_No,_ Havoc, it's not _semen_."

Riza was about to ask for him to clarify his statement, when she abruptly slammed on her mental breaks.

No-one would've thought anything unusual about the way Roy said 'semen'. They would've passed it off as annoyance that they even considered that the case, but Riza knew him. She had known him for far too long to not catch on to him being vague on purpose and giving half-truths to satisfy but obscure the bigger picture.

One quick glance around the now crowded office confirmed her speculation. The others hadn't caught it, but she was _very _suspicious. If it _really _wasn't semen then he wouldn't have stressed the word in such a manner, but just the fact that he _did_ could mean two things; one, that he was lying, and two, that it was something close but not quite. The first option didn't seem likely; Roy didn't lie like that. He made a conscious attempt to change the subject to a slightly different topic, one that had much in common with the one they were discussing just so they wouldn't realise what he was doing, but in reality was far away from getting Roy in trouble. Roy didn't lie flat out. He played with words, but this was a clear statement, so he _meant _it. It wasn't semen, but something close.

"Then what is it?" Riza asked bluntly, observing Mustang closely. She caught the barely discernible grimace and instantly grew even _more _suspicious. Roy knew she wasn't buying it. Hawkeye knew that the only way to block Roy's attempts at morphing his answer into something not quite answering the question but not exactly wrong was asking him flat out. And he was aware.

He stared at her expectant face, onyx eyes piercing.

"I might've spilt some coffee way back, but that's not the reason I want to keep the chair. It's the most comfortable one I've had in years."

Again, one could've accused him of lying, but Riza knew that even though it wasn't the _whole _truth, it was still _part _of it. He was trying to redirect the conversation again. His little speech would've been believable for her – like it was for everyone else – had she not been a witness to his reaction to the news first hand. You didn't choke on your coffee and shout incredulously just because your current chair was too comfy to relinquish. Not to mention that it was broken, one wheel missing, making it lean sideways and rock constantly – there was no way it could be _that _comfy now. That involuntary and spontaneous reaction was now working against him.

Her eyes narrowed warningly and he huffed as his attempts continued to fail against her. He might have fooled everyone in the room, but he knew that if he didn't fool her he wasn't getting out of this. He wasn't stupid; he knew that.

"Fine," he huffed, standing up and gazing at the chair.

At his relinquishing tone, everyone peered at the chair cautiously as if it would bite them, curious to see what was so special about it.

"Just look at it," the Colonel went on, a fond and nostalgic look taking over his features.

Everyone stared, and several seconds passed in silence until Riza became annoyed at the uneventful atmosphere.

"Sir, do you think we're stupid?"

Roy had the decency to look offended at the question, eyes narrowing and scowl forming. He crouched in front of the chair, running his fingers down a particular stain. His face instantly melted into that longing look.

"This one's the first one," he murmured, smothering a smirk as he recalled some event Riza couldn't even begin to imagine.

"First one of what, Chief?" Havoc asked excitedly, biting his lip in badly suppressed curiosity.

Roy smirked, fingers trailing downwards towards another, slightly smaller stain. "And this was the second – same day, but the second."

The crew exchanged glances when the Colonel failed to answer their questions. Breda was ready to question his sanity out loud when Roy cut him off.

"You see this large one? Perfect, that day was. I'm telling you." His fingers ghosted over the leather, moving to a violent rip at the side.

"Fierce," he murmured, passion seeping in his words. His fingers moved to another one and he smirked. "Volatile." Riza frowned, trying to put the pieces together. Roy's hand continued moving. "Feral, wild, _untamed_."

Riza noticed the crew was starting to fidget; they were evidently becoming quite uncomfortable with the way the Colonel was all but whispering the words, in a tone neither of them could place. It was a mix of husky, mischievous and dangerous.

The First Lieutenant could hear Breda and Fuery whispering worriedly behind her, wondering if the Colonel had finally lost it. Riza doubted that was the case, and frowned deeper, just as Roy's eyes shifted to the place the missing wheel was supposed to be. He licked his lips, his expression bearing something that made Havoc shudder, and the word he uttered didn't help the rest of them in smothering their own. "_Rough_."

The crew exchanged wary glances, just as a loud voice was heard from the outer office, making them all but the Colonel, who was too lost in his daydream, jump a mile as the eerie silence was broken.

"I'm here!"

Everyone recognised Ed's voice, and the blond soon made his way to the inner office. Riza wondered why Edward would be here today, since she had been fairly sure he had been on a mission all through this week. She had heard the Colonel tell him to go 'on _that _mission at twenty-one hundred hours'. She had assumed the mission was referred to as '_that'_ because they had already discussed it. Apparently, she had gotten something wrong, because Edward wasn't supposed to be here today.

Poking his head in, Edward went to say, "Ro–?" before cutting himself off as soon as he caught sight of the others. Riza frowned; she could've sword Edward had been about to refer to the Colonel as 'Roy'. Stealing a glance at her superior, her eyes narrowed in thought when she caught the lewd expression on his face. She was sure he had noticed the slip, but didn't seem bothered by it at all, quite the contrary. Something was up.

"Well, _hello_, Fullmetal," the Colonel all but purred, standing up and straightening out his uniform.

Ed blushed, before scowling and walking completely into the room. "What the fuck's going on here?" he asked roughly, crossing his arms.

Riza didn't know why, but something was off about his behaviour. It seemed normal, but something was..._off._ It left a weird taste on her tongue.

Mustang smirked, appraising the younger alchemist in a way that could almost be called 'checking out'. Onyx eyes ran over Ed's body slowly, calculatedly, and one glance at Ed told Riza he had noticed as well.

More as a means to make everyone focus on something other than his appearance, Ed asked, "Aren't work hours over already? Why are you all still here?"

Blinking, Riza only just noticed that indeed it was well over work hours. The sky was dark outside and the clock showed 9:08PM. When had it gotten so late? But more importantly...Why was Ed here this late?

_'...__you're going on _that _mission at twenty-one hundred hours' _she recalled the Colonel informing Ed a few days ago. But that had been talking about _that _day. Could it really be connected, or was she just being paranoid?

Roy smiled then, but there was no trace of innocence in it. He moved slightly to the side, making the chair enter Ed's field of vision. "Oh, everyone was just interested in my chair and time flew by," he replied calmly, his voice holding an undertone that Riza didn't understand, but Ed seemed to catch, for he paled visibly.

"W-Wait – _what_?" Walking briskly towards the desk, Ed leaned over it and stared at the chair, blood rushing to his face and staining his cheeks. He glared daggers at the Colonel, before gritting out an exasperated, "We talked about this."

Gone was the nervous and mildly embarrassed Colonel she had seen before, replaced with this arrogant side of him that only appeared whenever he was in Ed's or another military official's presence. Shrugging, he said, "Not my fault everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of my prizes."

Ed spluttered, face red. "P-P-_Prizes_!?" he screeched, hands balling into fists.

"Yes, my prizes. And I'm pretty sure you came here tonight to make me get another one out of you, aren't I right, _darling_?"

The pet name made Havoc snort a laugh, and the others gawk. Hawkeye observed, only just starting to put the pieces together.

Ed, now beyond angry, stood right in front of Mustang, clenched his teeth and warningly hissed, "_Roy._"

Even if the voice was low and ominous, it was well heard by the rest of the group, and caused them to exchange surprised glances.

Roy smirked, hands reaching out and pulling Ed by the waist flat against his chest, faces so close their noses were touching. "Yes, _Edward_?"

Ed blushed scarlet as the others raised their eyebrows sky-high, eyes widening. Riza, on the other hand, was frowning heavily, eyes narrowed in more than just suspicion. He was doing it again, stressing one word while meaning something more...

Just like that, everything concerning the chair clicked, and Riza's eyes widened. The rips, the missing wheel, the Colonel's descriptive words and husky tone, the _stains..._No way...

Ed seemed to know what the deal was because he blushed scarlet as he ventured to shove the Colonel away, but everyone, including himself, knew that his attempts were half-hearted. If Ed had _really _wanted Mustang away the Colonel would now be sporting a bruised ass.

"Wait."

At the incredulous voice, everyone stared at Havoc questionably, Ed still in Roy's arms. The poor Lieutenant looked like he'd have a stroke if someone confirmed his next words. "The semen isn't _Mustang's,_ it's…" He failed to continue, but no-one blamed him. Even Riza was having a hard time keeping the blush off her face. It just couldn't be…

Maybe she had added it all up wrong, maybe the Colonel stressing 'semen' before meant that it really _wasn't _and she was just being influenced by the rest of them, who only had that word on their minds twenty-four-seven. But, however much she tried convincing herself, she just knew she was fooling no-one. She had known the Colonel for years, and she knew how he worked. Perhaps the only thing she had guessed wrong was the thought of the truth being close to what he denied…But no, it _was _semen – and Ed's nonetheless!

Riza was about to freak out herself, but she kept her face blank.

At Havoc's words, Roy blinked innocently while Ed flushed, incredulity and panic filling his eyes.

That was all the confirmation they needed.

Havoc fainted, Riza blushed, Breda and Falman looked ready to be sick, and Fuery was close to tears. Without another word, they all, Riza included, ran as fast as their legs could take them out of the office, Havoc on Breda's back, leaving Roy and Ed in their embrace.

Riza swore to herself that she would never, _ever _get close to that chair again.

* * *

><p>Now alone in the whole office, since the others had fled not only the inner but the outer office as well, Ed turned back to Roy, glaring at him with great ferocity. "Why the fuck did you do that?" she growled, now finally pulling herself free from his grip.<p>

Roy grinned wickedly, shrugging. "You can't deny it was pretty funny."

Ed huffed, crossing her arms. "They think I blew my supposed load on your fucking chair!"

"Well," Roy started in a laughing tone, glancing back at said chair. "You _kind _of did. Kind of."

Ed growled. "Just because you made me come on your chair–"

"–Several times–"

"–doesn't mean you have to make them believe we're two guys fucking around!"

Roy laughed at that, pulling Edeline closer again. She objected faintly, but the resistance was just her stubborn nature. Wrapping his arms around her, he spoke softly in her ear, noting the shiver that ran down her spine with satisfaction.

"Hawkeye wouldn't have left until I came up with something believable, even if it's close to the truth, and I knew you didn't want me to reveal your gender just because of this. I was actually thinking of you when I did it."

Edeline snorted when he said believable, since all of this was just absurd, but sighed in resignation at the truth the rest of his words held. Just the fact that he would allow himself to appear to be into guys to his whole crew just for her spoke volumes. She rested her head on his chest, letting him stroke her hair out of her braid, fingers running along the blonde locks.

"I don't know how I'll be able to look them in the eye come tomorrow," she admitted quietly, sighing in contentment as Roy's fingers worked their magic, appeasing the slight headache all this had brought upon her.

Roy chuckled. "Me neither," he confessed. When Ed glanced up at him expectantly, he added, "I guess I'll just have to play it off as nothing out of the usual."

Ed seemed incredulous, shifting back to look at him properly. "Nothing out of the usual!? That'll make it worse, you idiot!"

"No, it won't," Roy assured her calmly. "Well, maybe at first, but after that it'll get old and they'll let it go."

The blonde seemed sceptical, but sighed in exasperation. "I fucking hope so." Then, she looked back at him and growled, "No more stains on the chair though."

Roy positively pouted at her words, making her feel as if she had just kicked a puppy. His eyes narrowed in thought, and after a moment the pitiful expression was gone as his face brightened. The smile he sent her way made Ed wary.

"The floor then."

Edeline's mind had just registered the words when Roy abruptly pounced, making her fall on the floor with a yelp.

* * *

><p><em>One week later<em>

Riza was slowly going through her paperwork, just like any other day. To an outsider everything would've seemed normal, but the people inside knew that wasn't the case. Not the case at all.

Even though the matter of Roy dating Edward had calmed down for the most part (Havoc still had to fan himself whenever the subject was brought up and Fuery still blushed an unhealthy red and swayed precariously) Riza couldn't help but feel as if all this was just well over the top.

She didn't dare bring up the subject herself, however. She was more than embarrassed about it and during work she had to stay efficient and professional. Her superiors' sexual proclivity shouldn't be allowed to interfere with her job. So she didn't let it to.

Hawkeye blinked, pausing her thought process as a vaguely familiar file now rested in her hands. She scanned its contents, feeling a peculiar sense of déjà vu.

Shaking it off, she stood up and walked over to the inner office door. The one second hesitation when it came to knocking was not missed, but politely ignored. Everyone was having a few issues with entering that office nowadays, after finding out what was actually going on in there sometimes….

Riza pursed her lips. She was being ridiculous.

She knocked, earning a few stares of admiration at her bravery, and after the usual bored 'come in' she did as told.

She didn't bother closing the door – she'd only be a minute.

She saluted briskly. "Sir, General Alchof is going to be sending new carpets for all the offices within the week."

Roy, who had been gulping his coffee, spit it out and gawked, a trail of the liquid staining his chin. "_What!?_" he all but screeched, standing from his chair and banging his hands on the desktop. Riza felt that peculiar feeling of déjà vu become more intense as she gazed at the Colonel confusedly.

"They can't replace my carpet!" he went on in panic. Her instincts were on red, alarm ringing in her ears. It was screaming, shouting for her to flee. "It's full of my darling's love juice!"

Riza felt the migraine coming as she heard the others in the outer office choke on their spit. She was sure Fuery was sobbing.

As Mustang continued ranting about why they couldn't take the carpet sporting his prizes away, Riza was, for the millionth time that week, wondering what was wrong with her as she was willingly staying under this man's command.

* * *

><p><em>AN LOL it wasn't supposed to end like this but it did XD Just look at how ideas evolve into something really different from what you originally thought...Not that I'm complaining - I like it better this way. The original entailed Mustang blowing Ed's secret identity but then I was like..'Naaaah Roy-boy wouldn't do that just to satisfy curiosity' He's a good baby :3_

_It's funny how this started out as completely innocent and then ended like...this hahahahahahahahaha i'm nuuuuuuuuuuuts. But ain't we all? *rolls on the floor before starting typing up another idea that just popped up* Seriously, they never give me a break. NOT THAT I MIND *continues rolling*_


	11. Surprise

_A/N *bangs head on the wall* Gosh this was SO hard to write! It just seemed all wrong and horribly, terribly ooc - and I mean MORE so than usual - just sickeningly ooc but no matter what I did I couldn't get myself to like the way I wrote it. This is the first time in my life that I write in first person POV, so maybe the unfamiliarity is what brought on this feeling, but this drabble HAD to be written like this - I feel like it'll show the emotion behind the whole thing better. It was supposed to be first person and present tense, but I messed up big time (I've never written in present tense either so you can imagine the disaster XD) so I decided I'd take things one at a time. XD Anyway, I hope you enjoy it anyway! :) It's in Roy's POV btw. XD_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Surprise<strong>

**Rating: K**

**Warning: You may experience a fluff overload *^***

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

I woke up to the loud clattering of something in the kitchen, followed by a familiar string of curses. A soft groan left my lips as the sunrays somehow always managed to fall straight on my eyes; from the moment I regained consciousness I knew it was futile to try and fall back asleep.

I felt around the bed for the warm body next to me, but my hand only came in contact with the cold mattress. I shivered despite myself. That was when my brain connected the dots and made me realise that the clattering from the kitchen meant that Ed was already awake.

Groaning, I sat up groggily, feeling my eyes sting as I yawned. I wondered what Ed was doing up at this time in the morning, in the kitchen as well. She wasn't a morning person at all and always tended to wake up well after noon, so this surprised me, considering the fight I had to put up to make her get out of bed every day.

While I pulled on my pants I focused on the noises downstairs, and from the clattering and moving around I figured she was cooking. Which was odd, because she hated cooking. She wasn't good at it either so Truth knows what monster she was creating this time...

As I walked down the stairs the noise got louder and Edeline's words became more audible. Curses aside, it was like she was talking to herself as she focused on putting everything back in its place. I couldn't help but sigh as I thought of the mess the kitchen would be in.

I went straight ahead, the kitchen slowly becoming more discernible as I went closer. At the threshold I stopped, however. That was when I saw her. She was still in her pyjamas and had yet to get rid of her bed head, blonde hair flowing all the way down to her waist and sticking up at odd angles. She had her back to me, so she wasn't aware of my presence. The kitchen wasn't in the mess I anticipated, and Ed was still murmuring to herself as she fiddled with something I couldn't see that was placed on the counter.

I stood on the threshold of the kitchen, looking confused, when she turned around and caught my eye unexpectedly. She always took my breath away when she did that.

Our gazes locked and I just couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes away from hers to get a better look at her dirty hands and stained face. There were questions I wanted to ask, but right now I was unable to break the eye contact.

She was a bit surprised to see me, probably not having thought I'd woken up yet, but what confused me was that, instead of blushing and making up excuses about why she was in the kitchen attempting to cook, a small smile made its way onto her face and I had to remind myself to breathe. I could've sworn my heart skipped a beat.

She broke the eye contact, making me feel strangely disappointed, and looked down, making my eyes follow. Resting in her arms was a cake, decorated with all sorts of creams and shapes. It was sloppily done, and it occurred to me that it was probably what she had been making. But none of that was what caught my attention. The large letters in the middle made my breath hitch.

Our eyes met again, her golden ones with my surprised ones, and her smile widened. My heart beat fast in my chest for inexplicable reasons, but I couldn't help feeling shocked to core. She had never done something like this before.

Edeline moved closer, seeming oblivious to the stains on her face and arms, until the cake was the only thing keeping us from touching. I stared intensely at the face I had come to associate with home, suddenly feeling a rare sting in my eyes, my chest becoming tighter. I was sure it wasn't visible from the outside, but once I saw Ed's face soften I knew I was wrong.

"Happy birthday, Roy," she all but whispered, and leaned in to place a loving kiss on my cheek. She mutely handed me the cake, but my eyes were locked on her as she gave me a lopsided smile.

When I just continued to stare, dumbfounded, a chuckle escaped her, though her eyes flashed in mild irritation. "You don't have to look _so _surprised, you know." It was a warning, and it was enough to snap me out of my trance. I had no control over the wide smile that spread over my face a second later, nor the unexpected tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

I loved this person so much.

* * *

><p><em>AN If I hadn't started this drabble collection I would've never published this, but now that this collection is here, I'll take full advantage of it! Ha! I mean, these two are so PURF it's killing my insides with Roy/Fem!Ed fumes (what). So anyway hope you puked rainbows! _

_Oh btw, I want to inform you that I'm working on a sequel to 'Chair'. It'll probably be the next one up, but I'm not 100% sure. Anyhow, I'll tell you which one it is when the time comes. ;)_


	12. Spying (Part 2 of 'Chair')

_A/N Holy shit guys! Bahhahah I LOVED writing this smut! XD I finally finished it though! It was pretty hard to write but I did it~ *dances* can you believe that this 'Chair' fic is actually about 8,000 words together with this sequel? Holy crap never had I even thought things would go like this with this collection! Anyway, read first and I'll see you in the bottom A/N XD_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Spying<strong>

**Rating: M**

**Sequel to: Chair**

**Warnings: Sexual scenes, language and a bit of assumed yaoi**

**Requested by YugiohFreak19 (You wanted something with Al, and the crew spying on our dear couple so I mixed the ideas together! XD)**

**XXXXXXXXX**

Of all the things Alphonse had expected to see upon entering the outer office, this was certainly not on his list. He blinked in confusion, staring around the familiar office as he attempted to comprehend the situation.

The desks were loaded with the usual amount of paperwork, the stacks waiting patiently for the officers to scribble their signature on each paper, but the chairs were void of the characteristic blue of the uniforms the owners wore. Instead, all the blue he could detect was stuffed right in front of him, faint whispers and hisses coming from each military outfit.

Havoc and Breda were crouching in front of the inner office door, talking frantically in hushed voices as they peeked through the keyhole. They shoved each other every few seconds in order to get a longer glimpse of whatever it was that was transpiring behind the closed door. Fuery, Falman and Hawkeye stood awkwardly to the side, but even they were neglecting the piling paperwork, faint blushes of embarrassment and uncertainty adorning their cheeks.

It suddenly came to Al's attention that they hadn't yet become aware of his presence. He cleared his throat, watching in slight amusement as everyone jumped in surprise, Falman and Hawkeye automatically snapping into impeccable salutes as if they expected a high-ranking officer to be standing before them, an excuse already on the tip of Riza's tongue. Upon seeing who it actually was their relief was evident as they lowered their hands, Hawkeye moving further to the side as if wanting to wordlessly convince him she had played no part in whatever was going on. It was futile, however; Al had seen her, blushing and shifting, but there all the same. Just the fact that she had tried to distance herself though had Al instantly suspicious.

"What's going on here, guys?" he asked casually, but snapped his mouth shut and slapped a hand over it once Havoc and Breda shushed him. His baffled expression remained, and Havoc ushered him closer with a wave of his hand. Al walked over cautiously, his mind trying to figure out what exactly Mustang could be doing to manage to bring even Hawkeye away from her duties.

"What's going on?" Al whispered, crouching to Havoc and Breda's level and cocking an eyebrow when Havoc hesitated, his cheeks flushing in reluctance. Breda leaped to his rescue, tapping Al on the shoulder to get his attention.

"We found out Ed and the Colonel are dating."

"More like fucking," Havoc corrected in a mutter.

Al raised his eyebrows sky-high as his brain processed the words, his face flushing as his mind presented certain images he never should've even _thought _about imagining about his sister. He shut his eyes, willing them away, when a thought occurred to him, making his face pull into a frown.

He hadn't been aware of the crew knowing about Ed's gender, and he found it strange that his sister hadn't informed him of her telling them. Taking into account the casual manner of the crew though, he speculated they had known for a while, the surprise long gone. Yet he still couldn't quite put all the pieces of the puzzle together. If Edeline had told them, then why hadn't she informed him?

Glancing at all the faces surrounding him, Al could only guess that they didn't know as much as he initially thought. There was no way they'd act like this was all a normal, everyday thing if they had known the whole story. However, it occurred to him that if what Havoc and Breda told him was indeed true, then there was one man who _definitely _knew the truth: Mustang.

Again the question of why Ed hadn't told him arose, and he felt doubt settle in his chest.

"Are you sure?" he asked dubiously, biting his lip when Havoc gestured to the door.

"Have a look for yourself kiddo, they're currently engaged in one of the hottest make-out sessions I've ever seen and, coming from me, that's saying something."

Al blushed at the implication, and was ready to voice more of his doubt when a firm hand slapped his back, almost making him stumble forward.

"Sorry, kid, you probably looked at Ed and saw your admirable, innocent big brother, and we just shattered that belief." Breda shrugged, not looking contrite at all. "He's a dirty little fucker, though. You should just hear those moans..."

Al was sure his face was on fire as he listened, the redness only increasing with every word that spilled from Breda's mouth. Idly, his mind picked up on the referring to Ed as his 'brother', and that did nothing to make things better. If anything, it made them worse; did the crew seriously think their Colonel would do something like _that _with another male? And Ed of all people?

This was ridiculous; they were probably playing a prank on him right now, wanting him to peek through the keyhole as they pushed the door open or something and sent him stumbling awkwardly in front of a working Colonel.

He was about to put his thoughts into words, when a rapturous moan from the inner office made his face blanch, goose bumps rising on his skin, the fine hairs at his nape prickling . The voice had been too high-pitched to be the Colonel's baritone and that meant...That couldn't have been...

From his right, Havoc whistled, while Hawkeye blushed and averted her gaze when Al sent an incredulous look her way.

"I swear, they've been at it for _hours _already." Havoc shifted closer to the keyhole, his shoulder brushing Al's. "Well if you don't want a look then move, because I wanna watch."

Al spluttered, moving hastily to the side to let Havoc peek through the keyhole. He watched as the Lieutenant bit his lip, his head shaking seemingly in an unconscious disbelieving manner. "Holy shit, guys, they're really getting it on now."

Al sucked in a breath when Breda shoved his way over and made an 'oooh' sound, and his eyes narrowed with determination. For all he knew they could be faking it; maybe the Colonel had a girl in the office and all of them wanted to make him believe it was Ed. Even though he didn't consider Hawkeye the type to go along with such things, she had seemed pretty reluctant...

Biting his lip as he made up his mind, he gently shoved Breda and Havoc away and pursed his lips, before shooting a glare at the now smug lieutenants.

"Don't get me wrong," Al started defensively, a small scowl, similar to Ed's, making its way onto his face. "I just find it so hard to believe I have to see for myself."

He pointedly ignored Breda's mocking 'suuuure' as he tentatively placed an eye close to the keyhole and instantly stiffened at what he saw.

Ed and Mustang were exactly in the middle of his vision, the keyhole being just in the right place for him to have a view of their whole bodies. Roy was sitting on his desk, Ed straddling his hips as hands went wild, not letting a single surface of each other untouched. Ed's hands roamed down the offered skin of Roy's chest; she had unbuttoned his shirt already but hadn't removed it, only pushed it out of the way as her hands swept further down. Mustang's hands were everywhere, though currently one was tangled in her loose hair, while the other caressed her leather-clad thigh, and then moved upwards to her waist and breasts.

Ed was still wearing her tank top, and Al could easily understand why the crew hadn't yet realised the person on Mustang's lap was female; Roy's hand had slipped under the loose tank top, making her breasts seem nonexistent from where they were watching from the keyhole.

Tongues clashed as they constantly altered the angle of the kiss, a breathless flush dirtying each of their cheeks. Edeline shifted closer, wrapping her legs tighter around Roy's waist as he stroked her back with one hand, the other pulling slightly at her hair. Her hands trailed upwards, onto his shoulders and into his hair, slender fingers grabbing ebony locks in a firm grasp. She used her grip to tip his head back, sitting up higher when he complied with her silent request, and gave herself the height advantage.

At the blatant robbery of his control, Roy boldly groped her ass in admonishment, making a groan emit from her, hips rolling.

Realising he had been staring for _far _too long, Al pulled back from the hole, feeling slightly dazed and flushed. Belatedly, he noticed the almost painful throb in between his legs and almost groaned. One look around told him the others knew exactly what he was experiencing.

"That's..." he started, but words failed him. What was he supposed to say? He was spying on his sister getting it on with...someone he knew. What was Mustang to her anyway? Was this a one-time thing? Something to pass the time? If yes, then it surely would fit Mustang's reputation, yet Ed didn't seem like the type of person to agree to something like that...But what if they were dating? As in, _in a relationship_?

Oh Truth, Al thought as a horrifying thought occurred to him. What if they were _lovers_?

He blushed as the word echoed in his mind, and was planning on staying there staring at the door when Havoc pushed him out of the way to look. He commented rather nastily, making Fuery squeak.

"I-It can't be t-that bad, c-can it?" the meek man stuttered. When everyone looked at him, he blushed and elaborated. 'I-I mean, they _know _they're in the o-office and we're here..."

Breda snorted, grimacing when Havoc slapped him over the head for not being quiet. "Not that they _care_," he huffed, smirking as he eyed the keyhole thoughtfully. Then, his eyes went back to Fuery and in one quick movement he had him on the floor, face close to the keyhole. Fuery tensed and blushed furiously and, when another moan was heard, Havoc had to stifle a laugh.

"G-Guys...!" Fuery whispered in panic, and Breda had the sense to pull him away before he passed out. Fuery embarrassedly placed his hands over his semi-erect crotch, and Havoc nudged his shoulder.

"See?" he told him, "We aren't exaggerating."

All Havoc had to do when Fuery opened his mouth to protest, was point a finger at his crotch and he shut up instantly.

From behind them, Hawkeye pursed her lips. She had been observing the whole thing and now sat with Falman to the side. Al was petrified to distinguish intense curiosity on her usually blank face. She stepped forward, almost stepping back again as if changing her mind. She crouched down and glared at anyone who dared to even so much as flash a smirk, before leaning in to the keyhole.

Everyone was on edge as Riza failed to give them _any _sort of response, and they started sharing glances. Her blank expression while witnessing something like _that _was more than a little unnerving. Then, Al noticed an almost imperceptible shift in her expression. He narrowed his eyes, just like everyone else was as they waited for her reaction.

Her hands twitched, then her eyebrow. She bit her bottom lip, and her face started becoming red. The loud moan that was heard this time was deep, almost like a groan, and the crew's eyes widened when they easily put the Colonel's face behind it. Everyone was itching to see just what Ed had done to make the Colonel emit such a sound, but no-one dared to shove Hawkeye out of the way.

Finally, Hawkeye pulled back, face blank – it would've been believable, that this had no effect on her whatsoever, had her face not resembled a tomato.

"They look good together," she said thoughtfully, a small smile making its way onto her face. "Who would've known?"

Al blushed when he realised he couldn't deny it. They weren't an ugly couple; they seemed to...fit.

He was just leaning in to get another glimpse – he didn't even want to _think _that he had actually liked it – when his head collided with Havoc's and he felt a shove from Breda. The three growled at each other briefly, before Havoc's face split in two by a wide, evil grin.

"Let's open the door," he whispered mischievously while everyone else paled significantly.

"Are you _nuts_!?" Breda hissed, slapping an incredulous hand on his forehead. "If they _see _us...!"

"We're as good as dead!" Al finished for him, eyes wide and panicked. If his _sister _saw him...!

Havoc huffed, waving a nonchalant hand. "Pff, don't worry. If we're quiet we'll all be able to get a glimpse... and a bigger picture..." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and from deathly pale, the others turned cherry red.

"Look," Al started seriously. "If Ed sees me..."

"If the _Colonel _sees us!" Breda added fearfully. "We'll be fried in a matter of seconds!"

"I'll be _stabbed _in a matter of seconds!" Al added, continuing from before Breda butted in.

Havoc was not even considering their protests, his hand already turning the knob. Fuery squeaked and held onto Hawkeye, who was shifting anxiously...but, to Al's amazement and horror, she _wasn't stopping this._

The door opened very slightly, and Havoc peeked inside, frowning in distaste. "I can't see a thing from this angle," he murmured almost petulantly. Al and Breda were sending petrified glances to each other as Havoc pulled the door open wide enough for someone to slip in. He shifted some, before looking at them triumphantly.

"Whoever wants to look, they can stand up – our heads all fit through this gap, we just need to get a bit squashed."

The others glanced doubtfully at each other before Breda sighed and bravely positioned his head above Havoc's. Al was the next, much to his own amazement – who would've thought his body would betray him like that? – and he placed his head above Breda's.

Ed and Roy were still on the desk, though Roy's shirt was now thrown carelessly on the floor, and Ed's nails were creating large red scratch marks on his back. Al could tell he was groping her breasts, but doubted the others could figure out what was happening under the tank top.

Edeline had her head tipped back, panting as Roy sucked on her neck. His hand lifted to undo her belt, and Al heard the hissed 'shit' coming from Havoc below.

He was horrified when he felt Hawkeye position her head above his, and he glanced up, only to receive a hard glare, her cheeks reddening as the seconds passed. Eventually, even Fuery and Falman popped their heads in, and they all watched as Ed rolled her hips, hissing when Roy pinched her nipple.

The belt was thrown on the floor, and Ed leaned in to lick at Roy's neck, whispering something in his ear that made him hum, a smirk appearing. He licked his lips, shifting until he was lying down on the desk and Ed was lying on top of him.

From above, Fuery squeaked, and he heard Breda comment, "Oh my fucking God, is Ed actually going to _top _the Colonel?" The question was answered by Havoc, who shot him a terrified glance.

"Who would've known the Colonel would let himself be fucked, by Ed nonetheless!"

No-one had been expecting Riza to reply to that. "I don't think that's going to happen," she started thoughtfully. She seemed to be taking this really seriously; she was concentrating too much... "I think Ed's going on a ride," she finished mildly, and Al was sure he had stopped breathing.

Had she, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, known as the most stoic and professional woman in Headquarters, actually _said _that?

The others spluttered, but seemed to accept her observation – they seemed to be considering it at least. Al knew that was most likely what was going to happen; Edeline couldn't really do _that _– what the others thought was going to happen – to the Colonel. Let's just say she...lacked the parts.

Ed licked her lips as she leaned forward, unbuttoning Roy's pants and making Al feel scared. Was he really going to witness this? Was he literally going to sit here and watch as his sister was...well, _fucked _by the Colonel?

He was innocent and a virgin; he didn't know if he'd be able to even see them naked before passing out.

Roy propped himself up on his elbows and smirked, watching Ed as she took his pants off. She threw them on the floor and he sat up again, smothering her mouth in a fierce kiss before tugging at her tank top. Ed reached down and shoved her hand in his boxers, and Al heard everyone hold their breaths. His crotch throbbed almost painfully in his pants, but he didn't dare look down to see the state of it; it was probably erect by now, and he didn't think he could handle anymore embarrassment. Hawkeye was here too...

Mustang moaned loudly as Ed stroked him from inside his boxers, and Al couldn't be more grateful that at least some of the show was being censored. The Colonel's moan was a very different sound to what he was used to hearing from the man, and Alphonse couldn't help but wonder how he – and the rest of them – would manage to look Ed and the Colonel in the eye afterwards. He'd avert his gaze and blush like crazy, most likely giving away the fact that he had witnessed something he really shouldn't have.

From below, Havoc was already fondling himself through his pants, but no-one paid him any attention; they were all focusing on the main stars.

Their tongues clashed as Roy thrust into Ed's hand, making her moan again.

"Wait," Havoc hissed, and everyone looked down at him. He was frowning confusedly, staring at Ed and Roy. "Look at that – the Colonel's hard, we can see that, but Ed...he doesn't seem to have a boner."

Al held his breath as the others turned to see what Havoc was on about. And he knew what they were thinking. Those leather pants were tight; if Ed had had a boner, it would be showing, and not only that, but it would have been pretty painful as well. Yet there was nothing that signified any sort of arousal.

As if wanting to give them the answer, Roy unbuttoned the leather pants, dipping his hand inside as Ed moaned into the kiss. He fingered her as she rocked her hips.

"You're so wet," they heard him murmur, and Al was sure he'd rather be dead that watch anymore of this. Yet he didn't leave; he was too damn _curious_. He had never actually sat down to watch something like this...and, well, being eighteen at all...he had a very valid excuse.

He could feel the confusion at the words flowing off the crew in waves, and bit his lip. There was no way he could get them to back off now before they saw anything else of Ed's body; he couldn't do anything to protect her secret.

Ed emitted a whiny, needy sound that Al had _never _heard from her before, and she seemed to sit on Roy's fingers – Al guessed he had inserted them...

He blushed at the thought. Then, another one occurred to him. From the way Ed was acting, she didn't seem to be a blushing virgin. And that could only mean...That this wasn't a one-time thing. That there was actually something going on; and this wasn't the first time they were engaging in such activity.

Well, shit, he _really _didn't need to know that.

"What'd he mean by that?" Havoc whispered, and Breda shrugged.

"Dunno, maybe Ed has already blown his load in his pants?"

Al didn't catch Havoc's next whisper, but sat horrified when Roy reached up and tore Ed's tank top off her in one fluid motion, breasts coming into view and making Al's eyes burn; those were his _sister's..._!

The others froze, and Al knew there was nothing he could do now. He felt the burning gazes of everyone and smiled sheepishly.

He looked at Havoc and blushed, a hand scratching self-consciously at his nape. "Y-You didn't actually expect me to reveal Sister's secret like that, did you?"

"_S-Sister!?_" Havoc hissed, gawking. The others weren't far behind, each sporting their own shocked stare. Even Hawkeye and Falman looked absolutely flabbergasted.

A loud moan tore their eyes away from Alphonse and back to the oblivious couple, and Al's eyes widened as he watched the Colonel fondle Ed's breasts.

"Fuck, Roy," Ed growled, rocking her hips against his cock. He reciprocated, bucking roughly and hissing at the friction his boxers created. Roy wrapped his arms around her, unknowingly shielding Edeline's breasts from view, and nibbled at her neck. Ed's head turned to the side, eyes clenched shut...when she opened them...

...And her and Al's gazes locked.

Al froze, Ed froze, the others looked absolutely mortified, and Roy was obliviously sucking on her neck.

"_Al_?" she mouthed incredulously, her voice not managing to come out from the shock. Al was honestly ready to burst into tears.

Ed's wide eyes burned a hole into everyone as she stared at them individually, as if she didn't believe they were actually there. But then...

"Roy." The way she said it held an emotion Al couldn't distinguish, and that terrified him. It held anger, that's for sure, but there was more to it that that...It seemed like she wanted _revenge._

Roy hummed, kissing her shoulder and not pausing a moment. Ed placed her hands on his shoulders, inevitably making his arm unwrap from around her and making her breasts come back into view. Al closed his eyes politely – what good will it do now, you idiot – but then reopened them.

Roy grunted at the rough treatment and glared at her. "_What_?" he snapped. Ed didn't even bother snapping back at him; she pointed a shaking, hesitant finger at the door, and when Roy actually spotted them his face was priceless.

He knew they should run far, far away for their lives, but they all stood frozen where they were, disbelieving. _This couldn't be happening._

Roy scowled furiously then, wrapping his arms around Ed's upper body sharply and pulling her to his chest.

"Havoc," he snarled, a sound so enraged they just knew they were going to die. "Her eyes are up _here_."

Al only had one and a half seconds to comprehend what the Colonel had just said, before the loud '_bam_' of the outer office door closing startled him as Havoc made a run for it.

* * *

><p><em>AN LOL I absolutely LOVE Al. And Havoc's gonna die lol - or more like, get fried. XD I had so much fun writing this and I lol-ed a lot...It was kinda awkward for me as well because I wrote this in class and my friend was pestering me the whole time to let her read it and I never let anyone I know in real life read anything I write XD The same friend keeps insisting I tell her my username as well - what can I do to get her to get lost? XD I can't stand it anymore TAT She doesn't even watch FMA! (crime)  
><em>

_Anyway..._

_heheeeeeeeeeeeee~_

_"Al froze, Ed froze, the others looked absolutely mortified, and Roy was obliviously sucking on her neck." -lol for some reason i loved typing that sentence XDDD Oh Roy XDDD_

_i am so random ;u;_


	13. Mornings

_A/N *bursts into fangirly tears* Oh mah gaaaawdd the fluff and sappiness in this chapter just...touched mah fluffy Roy/Fem!Ed heart...*sniffs* This is just...*sobs*I'm sorry, I am unable to type properly cause I'm too busy trying not to cry FOR REAL *wipes eyes* My chest feels so tight right now...The fluffiness, the love...*sigh* This is the first time I write in present tense...and I'm doing it again, holy shit I love the emotions it gives me...  
><em>

_THEY SHOULD BE CANON GODDAMN IT  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Mornings<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: SAPPY, FLUFFY AND WONDERFUL**

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

He cracks his eyes open, feeling the warmth from the window heat his body, sharp winter sunrays hitting his vulnerable eyes almost painfully. He emits a groan and rolls over, closing his eyes in the process; a weak attempt to escape the glaring sun. Just as he turns, his face is tickled and his arm instinctively moves to wrap around a slim waist.

This warmth is better. It's familiar and smells like home.

He inhales deeply, smiling as he shifts closer. Hair tickles his nose and his face scrunches up, before he ventures to reopen his eyes. The first thing he sees is yellow, the bright golden locks of his lover cascading all over the pillow next to him. His sleepy eyes trail downwards, to her closed eyelids and long lashes resting on her tanned cheeks.

He strokes her fringe out of her face, shifting closer to rest his head on her pillow. Her leg is resting on top of his, a wordless protective yet possessive gesture. He never minds, even though he usually does. He never was a fan of letting people believe they own him, but, as much as he might try to deny it, he knows that with her it's true.

His head brushes hers fondly, and she hums, unconsciously squirming closer to him and sighing in contentment. Her full lips are parted, each slow breath making her chest rise and fall. In the morning her lips are always blood red, so kissable he fails to resist every time. She looks rejuvenated, black bags and tired lines wiped away by a good night's sleep – he loves watching her.

She's clutching the teddy bear loosely, unneeded whenever there's no horror to fight off in her sleep. It's squashed between them, and he reaches to grab it, moving it out of the way so he can snuggle closer to her warm body. She was never one to cuddle, but he can't help himself; too tempting. She just looks so calm and peaceful, he merely wants to hold her and never let go.

As if to prove his point, the arm around her tightens its grip, and he slides the other one in the gap between her shoulder and head, carefully bringing her head against his chest.

His hand soon gets tangled in her hair, caressing and stroking the long locks as strands thread through his fingers. His nose picks up on her scent and his stomach involuntarily fills with fluttering butterflies.

She's _his_, only his. After all the hardships they are finally allowed to be together.

Fingers ghosting up his arm bring him out of his trance, his heart beating faster as he watches her newly restored arm stroke his forearm soothingly. His eyes take in the sight of her, moving to her body, and he smiles when deep amber eyes meet his own. She gazes at him tiredly, before her face scrunches up as a yawn takes over. She blinks repeatedly to get rid of the tears that gather at the corners of her eyes before resting her head on his shoulder, her hand on his bare chest, thumb stroking absently.

"You were staring again," her sleepy voice tells him, so different from the usually loud and obnoxious tone. That's one of the reasons he loves waking up with her next to him. Only he knows this side of her.

He can't find it in him to be embarrassed by her observation; he's done it so many times already.

"Sorry, I can't help it," he murmurs, his voice laced with sleep, making it rough and deep. It always drives her crazy when it comes out like that; so intimate. Already her eyes are filling with desire, deepening the bright golden to one of passion and want.

She licks her lips while her hand slinks further up his chest almost seductively, her cheek brushing against his, which was rough with morning stubble. Apparently, she can't hold back either. He never can; she is too tempting like this – full lips bright red, hair tangled in a tantalising way, her body clothed merely in one of his plain shirts...

Too tempting.

A hum escapes her as she moves her leg, wrapping it around his waist and lying almost on top of him. " 'm tired."

He sighs in response and holds her tight, letting her bury her face in his neck. She is warm, so soft and homey. He likes the way their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces; made for each other.

"What time is it?" he finds himself asking, his tone distasteful. He doesn't want the answer. He doesn't want to get up, let her go and drive to work in the cold winter. No way.

He feels her shrug in his arms and the feeling in his chest eases a bit.

"Dunno, dun care," she mumbles, her voice muffled.

He runs his fingers down her body to show his agreement, fondling her bare thigh and relishing in the soft whine he gets in response.

"Roy..."

His heart hammers in his chest at the sound; it's the way she says his name, there's something about it that makes him feel on top of the world. His body's humming, in its own way telling him to do whatever it takes to make her say it again.

Wrapping her arms around his waist, her nails scratch gently at his back, unknowingly making him want her even more.

In a second he has her down on the mattress, his lips brushing against hers in a gentle, but deep kiss. She reciprocates immediately, arms wrapping around his neck and legs parting to give him space.

He strokes her hair as he pours his love into the kiss, savouring the soft, needy sound she emits. His tongue runs along her bottom lip, and she opens her mouth for more but he pulls away, getting another whiny moan before he leans to her neck. She gasps softly and tips her head back, giving him more access to lick at her pulse. He loves the familiar taste of her on his tongue.

The silky skin of her neck is unmarked and impeccable, a great contrast to the scars littering the rest of her body. The marks he left a few nights before have vanished and he decidedly starts sucking hard, feeling her hands grab at his hair.

"Y-You're gonna leave a mark," she gasps, tugging at his hair pointedly. He grunts indifferently, grasping her weakly protesting hand by the wrist and pinning it to the bed softly. She inhales deeply; she knows what's coming. When he's like this he leaves marks and takes her tenderly, gentle until the very end – and she wouldn't have it any other way.

He connects their lips again, tongues rubbing lovingly as if having a lovers' reunion as his fingers unbutton her shirt.

"Let me love you, Edeline," he whispers, their lips touching as he speaks, foreheads connecting.

He always asks this in the morning, and her answer is always the same.

"Love me, Roy."

* * *

><p><em>AN *is still sobbing* You touched? H-Here...*hands you a tissue* I'm touched too..._

_(Btw, did you notice that while narrating I mentioned no names? hehe It was intentional :3)_

_*blows nose* The feels...  
><em>


	14. Reminiscing

_A/N lol random is random guys. XD Unfortunately, these last few days I've become a victim to writer's block, so I'm probably going to be writing a few stupid and completely meaningless (aren't they always that way? XD) one-shots and drabbles just to get me going again. Please be patient with me :'D_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Reminiscing <strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: language, a bit of non-descriptive nudity XP**

**XXXXXXXXX**

Roy felt a shuffle next to him, and a moment later a hand was wrapped around his middle. The blankets whispered in the silent night, the soft glow of the moonlight illuminating the bedroom. Ed shifted closer, and Roy held her tighter in response, sighing softly as he patiently waited for sleep to take over.

Everything was quiet outside, everyone having already retreated to their comfy beds; families and lovers finally getting some peace from a long, tiring day. Next to him, Edeline was snuggled in the heavy winter covers way up to her chin, and under them her warm arm was around him, her leg possessively over his own.

They had been together for so long now Roy couldn't even remember a time without her in his bed, without that light weight of her leg on top of his. Every time he even thought about how things could've gone differently after the Promised Day made him appreciate what he had all the more.

Turning his head, he drank in the sight of her, smiling involuntarily. She had her eyes closed, but Roy could tell she wasn't asleep. Her breathing wasn't completely even, and she seemed more tense than when she slept. Just then, as if to prove his point, drowsy golden eyes met his own, and she rested her head on his shoulder, her thumb stroking his side.

"Hey, Roy?" she murmured quietly, as if unwilling to disturb the silence. Roy hummed inquisitively and sensed Ed shift some more, blankets falling down her shoulder as she turned to look at him. "I was thinking...Remember when you found out I was female?"

Roy paused, casting his mind back to the moment. The memory was there, albeit a bit hazy. He focused some more, attempting to make the details resurface.

He had been going to her dorm...

X

Roy marched down the hallways of the military dorms with a heavy frown, clutching a manila folder in his hand so tight it was starting to get creased. He paid no heed to people he met in his way; he had one place in mind and couldn't care less about his intimidating appearance at the moment. No-one dared to stand in his way; they took one look at him and quickly shuffled away. He supposed wearing his gloves wasn't helping any.

The corners of his mouth twitched downwards in displeasure as he reminded himself what he came here for. Yes, Roy was angry, and it was all because of that shrimp. Edward had done it again.

Honestly, Roy sometimes wondered if the kid was doing it on purpose; who could possibly demolish three buildings, obliterate a bridge and break a window, all the while trying to catch _one person_?

Just over a week ago, Mustang had sent him on a mission to the East, his purpose to take care of a petty criminal who used alchemy to break locks and rob banks. Roy had considered it a walk in the park for the alchemic protégé, and had only given it to him because the kid had been itching for some action after being restrained in a hospital for so long when the Promised Day was over.

Mustang had thought nothing of it; he had ignorantly assumed Edward would be back in a couple of days with a criminal ready to be put behind bars. No complications. Now he was only just realising how stupid he had been; he was harshly reminded that nothing was ever 'not complicated' when Ed was concerned.

That was why, when he returned, Roy had received a not-very-friendly phone call. Apparently, Ed had been chasing the criminal all around town, somehow managing to destroy everything that had come in his way. He had caught the criminal, but in the process had done the town more than twice the damage the robber had been doing for a whole month.

And of course, that meant more paperwork for Roy.

_Too much paperwork. _

Just to add to his misery, Ed had yet again disobeyed his orders (something Roy hated with a passion) and hadn't made an appearance to hand in his report, making Roy come all the way here just to receive a _shit _report and admonish him yet again for his disobedience. Not that Ed would listen anyway.

The folder in his hand was heavy with the weight of the words it held inside – costs and complaints and future paperwork and his name – and Roy wanted to simply burn it and forget all this ever happened. But of course he couldn't do that, not without getting in trouble with the higher-ups anyway.

He only halted when the door to the room he knew the Elrics were staying at was staring him in the face, his frown deepening subconsciously. There was no sound to be distinguished from the other side, and Roy briefly wondered if they weren't in. If Ed wasn't in there...

He raised his fist and knocked firmly, only to receive no answer. A scowl of sheer frustration filtered across his features, and he turned the knob, instantly feeling confusion and a tad bit of worry when the door opened easily. Maybe something had happened to Ed? And where was Al? Had they simply forgotten to lock the door before heading out? He wouldn't put it past Ed, but Al had seemed like the person to pay attention to those things...

Roy checked his gloves just in case before walking in, muscles tense as if expecting an attack. When nothing jumped out at him, he relaxed and moved towards the bed.

Ed's suitcase was lying wide open on top of the bed covers, clothes falling out and screwed up on the bed. He easily figured that Ed had been unpacking, but something had interrupted.

Roy absently reached out to finger some of the clothes, more out of curiosity that anything. The garments were the usual; a black tank top, a pair of leather pants, a belt thrown carelessly over the side of the suitcase, socks, boxers, and–

Roy paused, staring wide-eyed at the article of clothing his eyes had rested upon.

What the actual _fuck_?

He picked it up hesitantly, keeping it away from his body as if it could bite. He blinked, not believing his eyes. Held by his index finger and thumb was a piece of lingerie he would've _never, _not even in his wildest dreams, associated with Edward Elric. Never.

The familiar warmth of embarrassment heated his face as his mind actually processed what he was holding. Why, just why, would Edward be carrying a _bra_ of all things with him on his journeys?

Why did he even _own _one?

Roy, now convinced the lingerie wouldn't cause him physical harm, brought it closer to his face to examine it. The cup wasn't too large, but definitely not small either – that was the first thing he noticed. It was black, blood red lace decorating it all over. Roy knew Ed liked red and black but...wasn't this a bit extreme?

Perhaps he hadn't been the one to buy it. Perhaps it was from a girlfriend. Maybe she had given it to him as a parting gift when he was getting ready to leave for the mission. To 'remember her' or whatever. Roy would've never thought Ed would manage to get a girlfriend in his life, and he was _way _too in love with alchemy and books to have time for an _active_ relationship.

So what the hell was this?

The Rockbell girl's maybe? Perhaps all of that denial had finally dissipated...Somehow he doubted that. Ed hadn't been to Resembool in ages, so when would he have time to go out with her, let alone keep her underwear?

A door opening snapped him out of his thoughts and he lifted his head slightly dazed, his hand still grasping the bra feebly.

He froze at what he saw. Amber eyes blinked at him blankly and Roy couldn't help but blink back, his eyes slowly trailing down the towel-clothed body in appreciation. The woman in front of him looked horrifyingly like his subordinate, wet blonde hair clinging to her face and shoulders and flowing all the way down to her slim waist. His eyes lingered on her chest for a moment calculatedly, and he figured he had found the owner of the bra he was holding.

Her hands were hanging limply at her sides as she tried to comprehend the situation and Roy licked his bottom lip when he noticed the towel slowly but surely coming loose from around her. She hadn't noticed, but he certainly had.

His eyes trailed downwards to appreciate her legs, when he suddenly became aware of the gleaming metal that replaced flesh and everything hit him like a baseball bat. His eyes widening in absolute horror, he turned his gaze back to her now crimson face.

_Oh my God_, Roy thought numbly, _this is Ed._

As if on cue, her eyes flashed in anger and infinite embarrassment as they rested on the bra in his hand, face flushing a deep scarlet. She looked positively petrified. She made a quick movement, but Roy had no idea what she had been about to do, because the moment she moved her hands the towel decided it was time to say its goodbyes and pooled around her legs, leaving a stunned Roy to stare, and a mortified Ed to freeze.

Slowly, she tore her gaze away from Roy and to her bare body, before doing what everyone did in a predicament quite like this.

She screamed.

Roy flinched harshly as his ears hurt, and Ed moved so fast he had barely processed her bending down to grab the towel and wrap it around her body, clenching her fists in the fabric as if not trusting it not to betray her again.

Edward – was that even her name? – glared at him with a glare that could make even Olivier Armstrong squirm, and his mind went blank. Suddenly, he became all too aware of the underwear in his hand, and he smiled awkwardly, throwing it on the bed as if it had burnt him.

"I–I can explain–"

"Fucking _pervert_!" she screeched, a sound so girly he had never before thought it possible to come out of Ed. Before he could get another word out, she was charging at him, rendering him unable to do nothing but splutter incoherent protests.

The pain in his groin was made known unmercifully, and he doubled over, clutching his crotch as he wheezed in pain. He fell to his knees, biting his lip so hard he started tasting blood.

Fuck, that had been done with her left one.

"Get out, you disgusting, filthy, perverted, arrogant, _perverted _bastard," she seethed, and, honestly, Roy needed no other prompting. He stood up, his hands still cupping his manhood, and proceeded to run like the devil was hot on his heels, not giving two craps about how he would look like to all who saw him running.

X

Back in bed, Roy cringed at the memory, one hand tightening around an oblivious Edeline while the other travelled downwards, cupping his crotch soothingly as it recalled the harsh treatment it had received.

"How could I forget?"

* * *

><p><em>AN random is random babes :D lol Roy never got that report...xD  
><em>


	15. Lost and Found

_A/N Pssss schools are OVER and you know what that means? Yes, you guessed it...MORE TIME FOR WRITING *U*_

_..._

_.._

_._

_*U*_

_Teachers have given us tons of homework but bleh, who cares, i'll do it all last minute like always XD TWO WEEKS OF FREEDOM BEATCHEZ!_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Lost and Found<strong>

**Rating: K+/T**

**Warning: Language (guys, it's Ed! XD)**

**Requested by inuedolove (I know it might not be exactly like you envisioned it, but I hope it's still alright! XD Had a lot of fun writing it, that's for sure!)**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Where is it!?"

Roy blinked, tearing his eyes away from his novel and bringing himself back to this world. For a moment he thought he had imagined the wild, panicked shout, but when he heard stomping and things being thrown carelessly around upstairs, he knew it hadn't been his imagination.

Twisting his body on the couch, he stared at the stairs, and in that moment a dishevelled Edeline decided to make an appearance.

She was panting, chest heaving and eyes wide as she gazed at him in despair and absolute frustration.

"Roy," she began, breathless. "I lost it."

Roy blinked once more, before his mind regarded the words as incomprehensible, and frowned. "What?"

Ed growled in exasperation and came to flop unceremoniously down on the couch next to him in defeat. "I lost it – I've, I've looked _everywhere_, I swear! It's not in the fucking house!" With an animalistic growl, she crossed her arms over her bust and scowled, slumping in the couch.

Roy sighed and reached over for his bookmark, placing it in-between the pages before setting his novel on the coffee table. "And what is this we're talking about?"

Honestly, Roy wasn't all that interested. Ed tended to exaggerate a lot, and right now he was feeling too lethargic to even feel the familiar spark of curiosity inside him. He just didn't care, plain and simple. Last week she had made a fuss because her favourite pair of socks was missing, for Truth's sake, and Roy had had to listen to her whine and gripe about how they were the comfiest _ever _and that if he was playing a prank on her by hiding them he'd better run for his balls. When she'd found them she turned into a completely different person, all happy and carefree – but better to leave that horror story for another time.

"The teddy, Roy," she told him, in a voice used when talking to five year olds, "I lost the fucking teddy." Ed groaned in misery at her own words, running a hand through her hair. "You know I can't fucking sleep without it."

At the mention of that _thing_, Roy perked up, raising a brow. _Now _he was interested.

If that thing was invading their house no longer, then that meant that it would invade their bed no longer and that meant everyone would finally be able to live happily ever after. Edeline would forget about it, eventually coming to her senses and realising how much it had poisoned her by making her think it was _that _that used to fend off the nightmares. Following that realisation, Ed would snuggle with Roy all night and finally admit it was actually _him _that made all the bad dreams vanish.

Roy internally smirked, eyes glinting maliciously.

That little bastard would no longer be his rival.

That damned thing, competing against him for Ed's attention. Especially when it knew how much Roy liked to cuddle.

Roy was basking in the glow of his victory, when Ed snapped him out of his reverie. She sat up straight, crossing her legs on the couch, and glared at him calculatedly.

"Tell me the truth," she started slowly, suspiciously. "Have you hidden it?"

Roy opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He hadn't hidden it, but that didn't mean he wasn't grateful it was gone; Ed had always cuddled with it more, however subconsciously.

"It's better gone," he found himself uttering. At Ed's murderous look, he added, just to ensure the safety of his life, "But, no, I haven't touched it."

And it was the truth; he never touched that thing.

Ed seemed to relax ever so slightly at that, lip curling cutely as she regarded him thoughtfully. "Then where is it?"

Roy shrugged."Dunno."

A growl ripped from her throat before she shot up and placed her hands on her hips, her eyes bearing a determined glint Roy knew from experience was undefeatable.

"Well then get up, lazy ass!" she barked, "You're helping me find it!"

As Roy groaned and stood up, he could only think about how grateful he should be Ed hadn't given it a name; once you named them, you got attached to them – and Roy really wasn't too keen on getting replaced by, by _that._

Stretching with a wince, he absently rubbed at his nape as he reminded himself yet again that he really ought to change positions every now and then when he read for long periods of time.

He walked next to Ed, who was taking in the lounge as if it was her first time seeing it, sharp eyes looking over every possible hiding place for a stuffed animal.

"Go look in the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen," she ordered, and Roy stared at her blankly. She rubbed her hands together and smirked, looking back at the living room. "I'll tear this baby apart."

Shaking his head as he stared at her, Roy sighed, too lazy to even protest about being given orders.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Whatever floats your boat."

* * *

><p>After two hours, thirty five minutes and forty one seconds, Roy stumbled upon his one and only rival.<p>

He stared blankly at the brown bear lying in the tub, face mockingly still, and wondered absently what it was doing in the bathroom, since last time he checked teddy bears did not belong in the bathroom.

He sighed – but made no move to pick it up. He wasn't touching that thing.

"Ed!" he called, listening as the moving around paused downstairs. "Found it!"

Running footsteps were ascending the stairs at the speed of light, and a mere second later Ed burst into the bathroom, eyes wide. "Y-You found it!?"

Roy nodded, pointing with his index finger in the tub.

Ed mutely walked over, and once she saw it, she threw her hands up and exclaimed a victorious, "Yes! I couldn't for the life of me remember where I'd put it!"

Roy grunted, hating the stuffed thing with every fibre of his being when Ed gave it an utterly adorable look. He glared daggers at it, bottom lip stuck out, wishing with all his might that it just burned in hell.

He was too busy planning a meticulous death that he failed to notice Ed turn towards him, until he felt her wrap her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly.

"You're a fucking hero, I swear!" she shouted, and Roy, pleasantly surprised by the action, grinned, arms wrapping lovingly around her waist.

His eyes drifted back to the teddy bear lying innocently – it wasn't innocent, Roy _knew_ – in the tub.

He gazed at it triumphantly, smirking broadly.

_Still won, you little bitch. _

That is, until Ed told him why she had it in the bathroom with her...

* * *

><p><em>Two days later...<em>

" –and why don't you have _me _in the bathroom with you!?"

"Fucking God, _leave me alone!"_

* * *

><p><em>AN THE END lol XDDDDD I'll leave the details of those last two lines to your imagination, since I know you have one, but lol the way I imagine it is too funny XD Like, Roy just shouting "Why do you take that thing for company when I'M available!?" and Ed'd be all exasperated and rubbing at her temples because of the migraines and she'd be like, "Gosh I wish you'd shut up" pfff too good. XD_

_Btw, I want to thank everyone for the reviews, favs and follows! Really guys, when I started this I did not have such amazing numbers in mind! :D And the support you've given me is just...mind-blowing. I'd never thought people would like my head-canons (dorky Roy = perfection) and stuff! Love you people! Love you! :'D (Gosh 61 reviews artfdtydttydfkfk thanks!)_


	16. Breaking Up

_A/N Hellooo guys! Happy new year to all of you! I hope you had a better start than I did lol. My whole family is sick and I spent new years alone reading a fanfiction that nearly made me vomit. XD What presents did you get? I got a drawing tablet, a whole LOAD of chocolate (Truth knows how I'll manage to eat all that o.o) and brand new socks! (yeepee X'D). New Years really was depressing for me though...and that fanfiction I was reading, combined with this one-shot I just wrote (they have absolutely nothing in common with each other) made me realise something really important..._

_...I have unhealthy feelings for a fictional character. _

_While this might seem funny to you guys, it scared the shit out of me when I realised. Yes, I have had many crushes on anime characters in the past, but I didn't read fanfiction about them and therfore didn't BOND with them. The thing I have for Roy isn't just a CRUSH. On new years, while I was reading that RoyEd fic, there was a scene in which Roy had sex with a whore and he was all like "Hey, beautiful" and kissed her neck and she giggled like stupid - it went so against my headcanons and the sweet Roy I have in my mind that I wanted to cry, I lost all motivation to do ANYTHING, and I honestly, swear to God, nearly puked. _

_Writing this oneshot brought my motivation and good mood back, and made me realise that I am very protective over how people treat Roy. How people write him - that authour had him as a stuck-up bastard 24/7 and made him use all those big words and he was filthy rich but it didn't bother me. But when THAT scene came up...I mean, seriously, what happened on new years had _never _happened before. That feeling - I can't even describe it - honestly scared the shit out of me. Needless to say, I abandoned the fic as soon as that scene came up - I couldn't even READ it (I swear I felt SICK)._

_So, yeah, my unhealthy Roy obsession. Funny? Scary, I'd say. Maybe that's the reason I hate EVERY pairing that Roy's in except RoyEd/RoyFem!Ed. About a year ago, I truthfully couldn't have cared less with whom people paired Roy with as long as the fic was good and readable. I've seen him with Riza, I've seen him with OCs, I've seen him with everyone. But I never cared - now? Pff, ha! Now I hate all pairings involving Roy but RoyEd and, of course, my dear OTP, RoyFem!Ed. Just seeing a PICTURE of him with anyone else (especially Riza!) just - guys it does weird stuff to me. It really, really does. _

_I'm scared. _

_And writing this fic, with the Roy I'm so accustomed to and LOVE...it was just...just...*breaks down* THAT does weird stuff to me too, but the good kind! _

_Guys it's not normal to love the cute, dorky Roy (my baby!) so much. It's not healthy! _

_Sorry I wrote a whole freaking essay, but what happened on new years really bothered me. After I lost all motivation to do anything I just wanted the feeling gone (i felt ill) and I just stood up, closed everything and went to bed. It was so creepy._

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Breaking Up<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: language.**

**XXXXXXXXX**

Roy growled, fists clenching as he stood in front of the couch, listening to Ed rant.

That was it again. They had had yet another disagreement that had left both of them fuming. It was simple, really; Ed couldn't get his reasoning, and Roy couldn't get hers. They just seemed to be unable to settle on one thing, even for the most trivial of things.

They were polar opposites – they just couldn't agree on anything. Not. One. Fucking. _Thing_.

They had both known that – it had been obvious since the day they met, and it only became more evident as time wore on, as they interacted more with one another. Yet they had given dating a try. For what reason, Roy found himself more than once unable to comprehend. Sometimes the reason seemed so _obvious _that Roy had a hard time trying to fathom just why he would even think otherwise. However, at times like _these, _the exact opposite was true. Roy just couldn't get how this relationship had lasted that solid month that it had.

Every time Ed would drive him up the wall, and every time he would be _that_ far away from punching that very wall – just like he was right now.

Roy could take no more of this and, apparently, Ed was of the same opinion.

"It's over!" they yelled together, scowling and panting. Ed's chest heaved from all the shouting she'd done, and now that she was silent, opting for glaring at him, Roy's ears were ringing.

She looked ready to pounce from where she stood on the other side of the couch, as if she'd jump over the couch separating them and tackle him to the floor in hopes of making him see her perspective by force.

"That's it – I can't, I can't fucking _stand _you anymore!" she yelled, her face red and throat dry. Truth knew how long they had been at this screaming match. Abruptly, she spun on her heels and stomped her way up the stairs.

"I can't stand you either!" Roy shouted at her retreating back, hands clenching into tight fists. "Just go so I can _finally _have some peace and quiet! For Truth's sake!"

Upon hearing his words, Ed spun around faster than he had imagined possible and snarled, instinctively readying her automail fist.

"So _you _can have some peace and quiet?" she all but screeched, "Do you have _any _idea just how fucking _annoying _you are!?"

She let out an enraged sound, before she scowled, walking to the bedroom door and looking at Roy, who was standing at the bottom of the staircase.

"No wonder you can't make them stay!" With that, she banged the door closed, leaving Roy to splutter indignantly.

"Of course I can make them stay! Have you even considered that I just _don't want to_!?"

From inside the room, Ed's muffled voice reached his ears. "Looks and smooth talking can't grant you everything, Mustang!" A second later, she emerged, holding her suitcase in one hand and fastening her belt with the other. She shoved him out of her way and walked to the front door, snatching her coat off the rack.

"It's better this way," she muttered bitterly, shrugging her coat on and opening the door. She paused, craning her neck to look at him. She caught his eye. "Don't expect me back, asshole."

Roy scowled, crossing his arms. "I don't _want _you back."

Edeline huffed and shut the door loudly, letting the loud bam resonate through the now empty-looking apartment.

Roy took a moment to stand there, glaring at the front door as if it had caused him personal offence, before he huffed, turning around with his anger still blazing furiously in his chest. He grabbed the phone, and dialled the number he knew by heart.

After three rings, a cheerful voice answered, "_Hello? Maes Hughes speaking!" _

Just as he heard the voice, Roy felt as though his energy was drained, the adrenalin fleeing his body as if someone had pulled the plug.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as a headache started coming forth. He didn't even know why he tortured himself by calling Maes – he'd probably only succeed in angering him even more – but he seriously needed to speak to his friend right now.

"I broke up with Ed," he deadpanned.

As expected, Maes immediately recognised his voice. He was silent on the other end for a moment, and Roy would've thought he had hung up had it not been for the breathing he could hear.

"_Roy,_" he finally acknowledged, his voice seeming just _slightly _amused.

"Maes," Roy dryly replied.

Maes chuckled, before asking, sounding resigned, "_What happened_ this _time_?"

"We had a fight." He paused to let that sink in, before adding, "I can't stand her."

There was silence on the other end as Maes appeared to be counting something. "One...Two...This is the fifth time you break up this week, right?"

Roy felt embarrassment warming his cheeks in spite of himself – he knew _that, _but hearing it was completely different – but choked out a blunt, "Yes."

"_Ok, go on,"_ Maes continued dismissively, and Roy could just imagine him waving his hand in an equally dismissive gesture. "_What was the fight about?"_

His friend's question made him pause to cast his mind back to the moment...

...What had they been fighting about again?

He must've been silent for longer than he thought, because Maes sighed, huffing a half exasperated half amused laugh.

"_You can't remember, can you_?"

Roy growled at Maes' flat statement, and clenched his teeth as he defensively said, "I was too angry with her to pay attention to the details!"

"_Details!_" Maes scoffed, laughing disbelievingly. "Roy, the reason you were fighting about is not the 'details'!"

As his friend continued to laugh at his misery, Roy thought back to how this week had gone.

It was, to put it plainly, a disaster from start to finish – and it had yet to finish.

He and Ed had been dating for a whole month, and had spent the majority of it arguing about trivial things that could usually be taken care of with a surprise kiss midsentence, usually followed by rough sex or at the very least a stunning make-out session. Many people wouldn't exactly call this a 'healthy' relationship, but it was the way they worked; Roy could find no other way to see them together. They were both volatile by nature, and he couldn't picture them being like all the stereotypical couples. They fought, they cursed, they punched walls (Ed had done it once), and they chased each other around the house yelling threats (also done by Ed). There was no other way they could stay in the same room for over an hour, let alone maintain a relationship.

This week in particular had been hell. He didn't even know why they fought, they just did, and one of them would cross the line every single time, and each time ended with Ed walking out with a promise never to return, and Roy would forget the reason they had been fighting and call Maes.

Slowly, the anger and exasperation diminished, vanishing in thin air and leaving Roy feeling bereft, a hollowness and loneliness settling in his chest. Ed had always made him feel alive, making the blood hot and pumping in his veins.

Roy felt his lips curl into a pout, just as Maes managed to calm himself down.

"_God, Roy_," he wheezed, "_You're impossible_."

Roy grunted, scratching the back of his neck.

"_So_," Maes went on, "_When is she coming back?"_

"She's not, she said so..." He didn't want to admit it, but fear squeezed at his heart at the thought of her walking out of his life for good. He knew she always said it, but Roy couldn't help himself – what if she had _really _had enough this time?

Maes snorted derisively, as if belittling Roy's worries. "_She _always _says that_."

Putting voice to his thoughts, Roy bit his lip as he said, "What if she meant it this time?"

He refused to acknowledge the blatant apprehension in his words, but he was sure Maes had picked up on it, for he sounded soothing as he said, "_Don't worry, she'll come back._"

Roy surely hoped so.

* * *

><p>Sitting on his couch with a warm cup of coffee, Roy was once again regretting everything he had said and done.<p>

All these hours he had alone his brain had used up thinking, going over the scene in the morning again and again until Roy just wished it would _stop_. The anger had disappeared completely by now, leaving only regret in its wake.

While he couldn't recall the reason they had argued, he did remember it had been him who had snapped at her first. He had initiated the fight this morning, so he was the one to blame for this.

The fire roaring in the fireplace was dancing as if mocking him, and he turned away, walking to the window instead. He had lit the fire a few hours ago, when the sun had started going down and the temperature dropped, and it had been at that moment that true worry for Ed had settled. It was starting to get cold – where was she?

She was most likely in the dorm with Alphonse, he knew that, but the concern in his chest was not dissuaded in the slightest. Usually, on cold nights like these they'd cuddle in front of the fire, a blanket wrapped around them to keep them warm. It was Roy's favourite moment, and he had never done something as intimate as that with anyone else. During those times Roy was one hundred percent convinced they belonged perfectly well together; it was one of the few times he was really optimistic about their relationship. Yet now here he was, sitting alone by the cold window, nursing a now lukewarm cup of coffee.

His shoulders slumped. Maybe she had really had enough.

It stung that her previous words held truth in them. Roy had never been good at making people in his life stay, and what he had shouted back at her about not wanting to make them had been a lie. The words had just flown out of his mouth in a moment of defence and anger.

In his life, the only people he had ever held dear were his subordinates and Maes, his Aunt and foster sisters. And the only one he was really close to was Maes. The others just didn't know him as well as Maes did; he was a private person by nature, a complete introvert. He always tended to make a mess of things when it came to intimate relationships of any kind.

Maes was a hard nut and could almost never be offended; he had known Roy for so long he had become used to his frequent whining and misery and cynical remarks. He had thought Ed had been a person able to withstand a lot as well, and she was, but he had failed to consider her impatient nature. Maes was patient – Ed was not.

Roy sighed in defeat and sauntered back to the fire, setting his coffee on the table and flopping down on the couch unceremoniously. He stared at the chair next to the couch Ed liked to slouch on and read, and for a moment his mind pictured her there, with an alchemy book in her hands, feet propped up on one arm and head somehow managing to rest on the other. Roy could never understand how that position could possibly be considered comfortable, but Ed had insisted that she could fall asleep for a week straight on it, so he had let it go. She had a smaller frame anyway – not that he'd tell her that.

Lethargically, he rolled over, resting his head on the arm of the couch as he waited. He would wait here all night; it wasn't like he had anything better to do. It was Sunday tomorrow, so he could make up for the lack of sleep since he didn't have work. But if Ed didn't make an appearance he figured he'd find himself running over to the dorms early in the morning...

Damn it, he missed her already.

A loud, enraged growl from outside made him jump, fingers poising to snap instinctively. After a moment came the loud banging on his front door, and Roy was sprinting to it before he had even registered his actions.

He swung it open, his heart in his throat.

And there she stood, pissed off as hell and avoiding his gaze at all costs. Her hair wasn't in the ponytail it had been in when she left, but instead it was let down, cascading over her shoulders and reaching all the way down to her waist. Roy loved her hair – he loved the way it felt underneath his fingertips, how soft and thick it was. He could stroke it for hours on end, and Ed tended to get angry when she wasn't in the mood for his 'sappiness' as she called it.

Her coat was fastened way up to her chin as the wind howled behind her, suitcase clenched tightly in a gloved hand.

Ed scowled at him, flashing him a glare. "Can't believe I fucking ran back to you," she muttered, but it was half-hearted. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, like they always did, but Roy could tell she was blushing on top of that.

Wordlessly, he opened the door wider, his heart beating faster when she stepped inside. As Roy closed the door she didn't move, and he was ready to ask if she was alright, when her forehead connected with his chest and her arms wrapped around his middle. Blonde hair obscured her face, but her ears were crimson, so he found it safe to assume her face wasn't any better.

With a fond smile, he ran his fingers through her hair, silence settling upon them as they slowly rocked back and forth. The wordless apology hung above them, and when her arms tightened around him, he knew he had been forgiven.

After all the negative feelings were washed away she always came back to him, and Roy welcomed her with open arms.

She just couldn't stay away.

* * *

><p><em>AN *blows nose obnoxiously and wipes away tears* Writing these really lifts my mood, you know. _

_Isn't Roy the sweetest guy you have _ever_ met? *goes back to sobbing* I love him so much..._

_Btw, to those who haven't read it and are interested, the Christmas one-shot I was supposed to upload here turned out to be a 12,000 words fic, so I uploaded it separately. If you want, and are into lemons, go ahead and read it. XD (Shameless self-advertising is shameless :| )_


	17. Protectiveness

_A/N Hey! :D Quick update, eh? Well, I have inspiration to WRITE so expect more updates! ;3 (and I'll get started on the requests as well!) Btw, I'm sorry about the rant on the last chapter - I kinda feel guilty now for bashing all Roy pairings expect RoyEd and RoyFem!Ed XD The feeling was just so recent I felt the need to type it out. Thanks to anyone who read it and I apologise if I offended a pairing you like or something :'D_

_I hope to make it up to you with this cutie pie of a chapter!_

_Headcanon; Roy would TOTALLY be protective (even overprotective!) of Ed. Always. My baby. _

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Protectiveness<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: violence, language**

**Note: They're not together yet :'3 My babies *sobs***

**XXXXXXXX**

Roy slid another paper in front of him from the pile on his right, attempting to comprehend what was written. He read the first sentence, but when he realised the second wasn't making any sense, reread it. And again, and again, but it just wasn't registering.

Sighing, he absently signed the paper and placed it with the pile on his left.

His eyes strayed to the clock for the umpteenth time in just a few minutes, and he puffed out his cheeks in a sigh, a frown marring his brow. Ed was now two hours late.

That fact, to anyone else, wouldn't have been something to worry over, since Ed had always tended to arrive to work hours later than what she had been told – hell, sometimes she didn't even come at all. Yet for some reason she had recently reduced her lateness to maximum thirty minutes, Roy had noticed. He couldn't even remember the last time she was two hours late.

Picking up another paper, he squinted in a desperate attempt to concentrate, but the gnawing feeling in his gut was just making it impossible. It kept telling him that something was amiss, and his paranoid brain kept coming up with scenarios, flashing him gruesome images of Edeline covered in blood that pushed him that much closer to the edge. He swore that if she didn't come within the next few minutes he'd tear the place apart.

He signed the paper after reading it and comprehending half of it – he got the gist of it, at least – and placed it with the other signed papers. That pile had yet to become larger than the incomplete one, and he was sure that if Riza brought him anymore piles he'd blow a fuse.

Today was going to be hectic, and he really couldn't afford to worry about his troublesome subordinate. It was only the start of the day, and he had to finish this paperwork so he could be free to spend the rest of his time answering questions of curious university students.

Every year the military took it upon themselves to give a tour to students from all over Amestris, basically forcing the officers to reply to nosey questions, all the while keeping a smile on their face. Each year Roy could only groan when informed they'd be arriving in the near future, and from past experiences knew that the ordeal would require all of his attention and energy. He could not possibly be worrying about Ed when he had those obnoxious brats to entertain.

Having made up his mind, Roy stood, determined to find out Ed's whereabouts so he could _finally _get some work done.

As he passed the others in the outer office, he was met with the barrel of a gun, and an ominous Lieutenant.

"Sir, with all due respect, I believe you have papers to sign."

Roy could honestly not keep the dismay off his face. He didn't have time to deal with Hawkeye's questioning. He'd get enough of that from the brats. He just wanted to find Edeline and be done with it.

"I do, Lieutenant," he replied smoothly, "And I'll manage to sign them only when I've discovered Fullmetal's whereabouts. He's two hours late."

Eyes locking with hers, he held her gaze as she pursed her lips. Roy had been unable to hide his feelings for Ed from her, just like Ed had been unable to conceal her gender, so Riza could pick up on the undertone of his words. He was worried, and from his words, she had understood that. The others didn't pay them more that a curious glance, before settling back to their paperwork.

Slowly, Riza lowered her gun, sighing exasperatedly. "Be quick, you can't afford to lose more time today."

Nodding, Roy picked up his pace and was out the door in a flash, the only thing preventing him from running down the hallways being the knowledge that it would attract unwanted attention.

He exited Headquarters and his feet took him to the dorms without his mind playing any part in the decision. It was the first place he looked – and more times than not, it was the place she was. Roy managed to calm his heart by reassuring himself that only if she wasn't there would he start worrying. It worked, for the most part.

Entering the building, he headed straight for her dorm door, where he knocked loudly.

For a moment there was silence, before a grunt was heard from the other side of the door, followed by an annoyed, "Yeah?"

Roy was surprised to notice he had been holding his breath, and he let it out in a huff, shoulders slumping from their tense stance. He took a mere second to feel relieved, however, before irritation bubbled in his chest. Why the hell hadn't she come to the office if she was alright?

"Fullmetal," he started, the corners of his lips tilting downwards at her audible curse, "You should be at the office, _working_."

He heard a small shuffle, and guessed she was close to the door. Briefly, he wondered why she wasn't allowing him in, before dismissing the thought. By having the door in between them it was easier for her to ignore him, he supposed.

"Yeah, well, I'm calling in sick today, fuck off."

Roy frowned, trying his best to ignore the return of the weight in his chest. "Are you ill, Fullmetal? You certainly don't sound like it." But if she wasn't ill, Roy thought, then why...?

Ed growled from inside the room. "I said fuck off, didn't I? I'm not in the mood for your questions, bastard."

His face twisting into an annoyed scowl, Roy tried to open the door, only to narrow his eyes when he found it locked. "Fullmetal, open the door."

"For fuck's sake–"

"That's an order."

Ed was silent, but wasn't making any move to follow the order. Roy growled in vexation, huffing. He didn't know why, but Ed seemed more aggravated than usual. It was pretty obvious that something had occurred, but Roy couldn't for the life of him speculate.

"Fullmetal," he started again, his voice carrying assertiveness. "I don't have time for your games, open this door or I'll force it open."

He could hear Ed's disbelieving snort loud and clear, and he clicked his tongue in frustration. He didn't know why she wasn't opening the door, and Roy would be lying if he said he wasn't curious. Usually, even if she was agitated she would've obeyed the order to open the door, but her disobedience could mean two things. Either he had done something to get her going, or she didn't want anyone seeing her. But why wouldn't she want anyone seeing her? Roy certainly hadn't done something – she had been fine yesterday and he hadn't even seen her today.

Trying the knob again, he pushed with his shoulder to no avail. "Open the door, Edeline." His voice was much calmer than his thoughts and feelings, like it always was, but he was seriously considering raising his voice.

"Shh! You bastard, don't say my real name in public like that! What if someone heard you!?"

"Then open the door."

"Fuck you."

"Edeline..." Roy growled. He was seriously debating going through with his previous threat and forcing the door open.

"No."

That was it.

"I advise you to get away from the door if you're in front of it because it's going to open." After a second of silence, Roy placed his hands on the knob and, as forcefully as possible, threw his side against the door, shoulder banging against it roughly.

He heard Ed's surprised curse and smirked – she evidently hadn't believed he'd actually do it.

It took a few more tries, but the door finally swung open, making him stumble inside.

His eyes immediately took in the room, but he didn't spot her. Then he remembered she had been by the door, and slowly turned his face to the right.

She was sitting on a chair exactly next to the door, knees up to her chest and arms wrapped around them, her head lowered. Blonde hair was concealing her face, making him unable to catch a glimpse of her expression. Roy's eyes didn't lose a second, scanning her body for any injuries but finding none. The question of why she hadn't opened the door remained. Surely it wasn't just stubbornness?

Ed sighed then, and the sound sounded so defeated that Roy felt his brows pulling down in a concerned frown. It wasn't everyday that Ed gave in like that.

"Goddamn it," she hissed, huffing another sigh. Slowly, she lifted her head, and Roy felt all the blood leave his face at the sight that greeted him. "You never listen, do you?"

Her words barely registered, Roy being too shocked to comprehend them as he stared at the massive bruise resting just under her left eye. His eyes widened as he took in the ugly black that covered her whole cheekbone, faint traces of yellow and purple surrounding it. It was swollen, and she seemed unable to open her eye more than a squint.

His lips moved, but no words came out. He was at a loss, this having been the last thing on his mind – hell, it hadn't even _been _on his mind!

His hands clenched into fists as the familiar beginnings of anger soon started making themselves known in his chest, the demon he knew was sleeping just starting to come to awareness. He could feel his throat tighten, his teeth clenching as that beast inside him demanded to be released from its chains. There was only one word in his mind, and Roy would make sure it was replaced by a name and a face.

His gloved fingers rubbed against each other, the rough cloth creating the comforting alchemical spark.

"Who?" he grit out. Just hearing his strangled voice somehow made him feel even angrier.

Ed's eyes widened at his enraged voice and she stood up hastily, her hands waving dismissively. "N-No-one, just let it go."

"Let it go!?" Roy shouted incredulously, eyes flashing dangerously. She cringed in response. "Who did this?"

Edeline couldn't quite keep herself from flinching, and somewhere, under the haze of anger, Roy felt guilty.

"A guy from a group, red hair and tall that's all I remember," she began quickly, her hands toying anxiously with each other, "I guess he wasn't too fond of me. He just took me by surprise. Listen–"

"The group from the university?" The infuriation in his voice was something Ed had never heard before, he knew, since he was always composed and relaxed in front of her, and now she looked almost scared, her hands shaking as she stared at him worriedly.

She winced. "Yes, but–"

But Roy was already out the door. Edeline spluttered, groping air as she stumbled forward to grab him. "Wait–"

Roy strode out of the building, and Ed followed behind him hesitantly as he made his way back into Headquarters, her voice as she tried to dissuade him not even entering his mind. The only thing he was thinking of was the vague description Ed had given him about her attacker.

He flicked out his pocket watch and quickly came to the conclusion that the group would be on the second floor by now, so he took the stairs two at a time, quickly ascending. His eyes immediately swept the hallways, before they came to rest on the flock of people by General Hakuro's door, the General himself currently being interviewed by two students, the others attentively taking notes.

Scowling, Roy practically stomped over, taking in each student until his gaze rested on a male with red hair. He was the only one in the group with that colour, and before Roy could even register his actions, his fist had connected with the kid's jaw, several gasps emitting from the students nearby. He heard Ed's panicked exclamation, and from the corner of his eye he could see her gaping, but he focused all of his attention on the man in front of him, currently groaning on the floor.

His chest heaved with the adrenalin running through his veins, and every time his mind flashed him a picture of Ed's black eye his anger was renewed, ten times worse. Some part of him knew he had just punched a civilian while on duty, and that he could lose his job from this, but all thought process was wiped away from his mind right now, and he could honestly not give a shit at the moment. Ed was more important.

Fellow students helped the redhead up, and he caught a girl's whispered and panicked words.

"...what the hell did you do, Daniel?"

"How the hell should I know?" Daniel snapped in response, louder, and Roy snarled at him, taking in the flinch with satisfaction.

Wordlessly, he marched up to him and lifted him up by the shirt, staring at his now scared eyes.

"Let me tell you, then, _Daniel_," Roy spat, pointing at Ed and watching as Daniel's eyes followed his finger, widening once they rested on her.

"Look at me," Roy commanded, and the kid's head snapped to his face immediately. "No-one," he started, narrowing his eyes as Daniel gulped. "And I mean _no-one _touches my subordinate and gets away with it."

The kid was shaking, his lip quivering as he nodded furiously. "I-I-I understand, s-s-sir!"

"Good," Roy asserted coldly. "Now tell me, before I decide to burn you to ashes, _why _did you find it appropriate to connect your fist with my subordinate's eye?"

His voice had gone freakishly calmer, and he knew from experience that this way it always made them more terrified. He made sure the transmutation circle on his glove was shoved in Daniel's face as he held him up by the shirt, and a smirk of cruel satisfaction lifted the corners of his lips when his eyes widened in terror as he stared at it.

A warm hand on his shoulder made him pause, and blonde hair entered his vision.

"Mustang, _enough_," Ed told him forcefully, giving him a meaningful look. "You're making a scene."

A discrete look around told him that all eyes were on him, officers and students, even General Hakuro, were looking at him worriedly, Ed seemingly being the only one brave enough to get close to him. Thankfully, he thought, because if it had been anyone other than her he'd probably punch them out of the way, and he didn't really want to get court-marshalled for using violence against a General.

Ed's hand travelled down his arm, gripping his wrist under the military jacket intimately, and he slowly relinquished his hold on Daniel's shirt, watching him slump to the floor with a sob, his shirt wrinkled from Roy's death grip.

The anger drained from him, freeing his mind from its clutches and allowing it to work again. Ed led him away from the student as two Lieutenants helped him up, and he started at her face, trying to smother the renewed anger he felt as he stared at her injured eye.

His fists clenched, and he shot a glare of pure venom at the young man, slightly dismayed that he hadn't caught it.

"Colonel." Ed snapped him out of his reverie and he looked back at her, pursing his lips as he glared at the bruise.

He took off his glove and shoved it in his pocket, before hesitantly raising his hand and resting it on her cheek, his thumb gently stroking the blackened skin, face solemn. His lips twitched downwards at her soft wince when he applied just the faintest of pressures, and then, tentatively, her flesh hand came to rest on top of his, almost reassuringly.

They stayed there in silence, gazes locked and bodies almost touching, until someone cleared their throat pointedly and they jumped apart.

General Hakuro stared at them with a raised eyebrow, and Roy, belatedly, felt dread settle in his gut. He didn't regret what he did, but he feared the repercussions. He had resorted to violence against a student, while in military Headquarters, in front of the rest of the students, various Lieutenants and the General.

Well, shit.

"Colonel Mustang, please explain your behaviour."

Roy snapped into an impeccable salute, holding his breath. "Sir, this student attacked my subordinate this morning, as you can see," he gestured to Ed, and watched as the General offered a compassionate wince as he took in the bruise, "and I felt the need to deal out appropriate punishment. I would have, by no means, injured the student severely."

That part had been a lie, for had Ed not stopped him he would've made sure the young man was unrecognisable when he was done, but the General really didn't have to know that.

Hakuro nodded, gesturing for the student to be brought closer. Daniel looked ready to have a mental breakdown, trembling from top to bottom.

"What's your name?" Hakuro asked, and Daniel gulped before replying.

"D-D-Daniel Ardon, s-s-sir."

"Daniel, is it true that you injured one of Colonel Mustang's subordinates this morning?"

Roy clenched his teeth; it was as if the bastard didn't believe him.

Daniel nodded shakily, "I-I'm s-s-sorry, though." He looked at Ed when he said it, and Roy suddenly felt increasingly possessive over her as Daniel stared, his arm itching to wrap around her just to show that _no-one _touched her in _any _way.

Ed waved a dismissive hand. "It's okay, I'm used to it."

Roy bit the inside of his cheek as he barely refrained from snapping his opinion on _that_ – he was already in trouble, better not add to it by speaking out of line.

Hakuro nodded, and Daniel was led away by the two Lieutenants who had helped him up before.

"I'll be calling you in my office for a more elaborate explanation later, Colonel. For now, get back to your duties."

Roy saluted. "Yes, sir."

The General turned his back to them, and once all eyes were off him, Roy's shoulders slumped, and he exhaled loudly in relief.

"You okay?" Edeline asked from next to him, placing a hand on his arm. He turned, only to see the worry swimming in her golden irises. Roy could really not stand seeing that bruise marring her face.

He nodded curtly, placing a hand on top of hers, thumb absently stroking the soft skin. "Are _you _alright?"

Ed snorted, giving him a small grin. "I was fine until you wrecked havoc on all of Headquarters."

"He deserved it."

His voice was so sure and sombre it made Ed pause, and a moment later she averted her gaze, a blush dirtying her cheeks that made Roy's heart beat faster. "Thanks, for...you know."

Roy smiled, resting a hand on her head and taking the opportunity to run his fingers through her hair, loving the feeling of her thick blonde locks in between his fingers. He caught her gaze again, his fingers caressing her as gently as possible. "You're welcome."

Hurried footsteps were heard coming closer, and a moment later Hawkeye and the rest of the crew appeared, looking panicked.

"Sir! Are you alright?" Hawkeye asked, her brow pinched.

"Yeah! We heard you went berserk!" Havoc piped up from behind her, looking inappropriately entertained, what with the wide grin on his face.

Belatedly realising he was still holding Ed inappropriately close, he cleared his throat embarrassedly, surreptitiously letting his hand fall.

"E-Ed!" Fuery squeaked. "What happened to your face?"

Ed winced, and Roy waved them away. "I'll explain everything later, now get back to work!"

Immediately, they all turned and started for the office with a few dismayed groans, but Hawkeye lingered for a few seconds more, hesitant, before Roy ushered her away with the others.

Once they were alone in the whole hallway once more, Roy sighed and turned back to Ed, feeling his heart tighten.

His fingers tentatively brushed against her hand, before taking it in a gentle grasp, only tightening their hold when she wrapped her own fingers around his hand in response.

Roy gave a small squeeze. "Let's go get you some ice for that bruise."

Ed nodded and, hand in hand, they sauntered to the infirmary.

* * *

><p><em>AN *clenches hands* Damn it...*clutches heart* They really are adorable when they're not together *falls down*_

_*springs up* Oh by the way, good news! There's gonna be a third part of 'Chair'! Yay! Many requested it, and I had this idea...:3_

_*falls back down*_


	18. Sunshine

_A/N Guys, it's snowing! I'm so happy! It hasn't snowed in ages but it's snowing now! hoot hoot! _

_So, since it's snowing, i decided to get some hot chocolate and sit to write this one-shot that has been nagging me since last night. XD It's pretty annoying when you have Ed cursing and complaining about Roy in the back of your mind. XD_

_But now I wrote it, and she's shut up lol XD I'll soon start with another one though...They never leave me alone, my babies :'3_

* * *

><p><strong>Title: Sunshine<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: LANGUAGE, it's in Ed's freaking POV**

**XXXXXXXX**

I can't fucking believe this.

I mean, is he _retarded _or something? Why can't he just _get _it?

I'm sitting here on the kitchen table, casually enjoying my breakfast, and then he has to come in, groggy as hell from sleeping, and destroy everything with his stupidity.

Sometimes I seriously consider just taking him to the doctor for a stupidity check up. Or maybe he should check his ears, since he never appears to hear me (or listen to me, mind you) when I keep telling him to _stop _coming up with these sappy things.

I mean, seriously, why would I want to be called anything other than my name? And why doesn't he _get _that?

The first time it was sweetheart.

I had been making a sandwich at the time, because the bastard had fallen asleep on the fucking couch and I swear he wouldn't have woken up even if the world suddenly ended, so he couldn't make it for me.

I was already grumpy because of that, and then he just _had _to come up behind me (_when_ he had woken up, beats me), wrap his arms around my waist and call me fucking _sweetheart_.

In a way to remind him that I do _not _have a sweet heart, I elbowed him in the gut, watching in satisfaction as he grunted and doubled over. That served the bastard right.

I had honestly thought, then, that by telling him to forget about the pet names or he'd end up dead, he would somehow get my point and stop it.

But why does he _always _have to prove me wrong? It must be a hobby of his or something, because _shit _man, how hard is it to understand that someone wants to be called by their name, _and only by their name_?

The second time, it had been darling. I don't even know what _possessed _him, but he had actually said it. Yes, I had heard that word come from his lips and to my ear – yes, and it was directed _at me_.

That time I remember I seriously debated injuring him.

But, really now, why the fuck would someone find it appropriate – the bastard nonetheless!– to call me _darling_?

That's just asking to be killed. It wouldn't have even been more obvious if he had shouted "Murder me!"

I remember threatening his balls then, telling him that if he ever came up with one of those ridiculous pet names again I'd start calling him ball-less bastard in response because he'd have no balls.

He had looked so fucking _disappointed _that for a moment I nearly changed my mind – but no, over the years I've learned the games he plays to make me do what he wants. Nope, didn't work. He got over it pretty soon anyway – like I knew he would. As I said – bastard.

And then a few months ago, he'd come up with fucking _new one_ – and he had seemed excited about it too, as if I'd share his happiness. I can't even remember what it had been – oh yes, honey.

What had I done in response? I stomped on his foot. With my automail one.

I don't even_ want_ to remember what he had come up with a month ago. Why the fuck would he call me baby? I understand he had been in a playful mood and all, but I sometimes wonder if he has a death wish. Because, for the last _fucking_ time – _I am not short!_

The fact that _I _call him that _sometimes _is completely beside the point.

And now, I am once again proven wrong by the most annoying bastard in the world, while swallowing my goddamned bacon. He has always had the most _appropriate _times to take me by surprise. Damn him, he does it on purpose – he's gotta be...

I miraculously manage not to choke on my bacon, and I take a moment to congratulate myself before my mind goes back to what that bastard had said. Yeah, good morning, my ass.

Just look at him; he probably hasn't even realised he's said it. Heh, without coffee the bastard can't function for shit, so he probably really hasn't realised what stupidity had come out of his mouth this time.

It's moments like these that make me wonder why I even bother at all; I mean, I fucking hate the guy, with his bastard-ness and sappiness and cuddliness and cockiness - and he's so annoying when we're in bed and he's reading because he always starts fucking sobbing and I don't know what to do – so don't even get me _started _on _that_, or that god forsaken smirk when he _knows _he's right and he's practically rubbing it in.

Damn, there are _so many things _just _wrong _with this person.

I just stare at him as he slowly sits down on a chair – something I didn't bother doing, the table is always comfier – and sips his coffee, and I barely resist the urge to roll my eyes when he sighs in contentment.

All this time I've been staring at him blankly, waiting to see just _when _it'll dawn on him that he had just proven my point about his IQ being less than 0. Maybe I should give the idiot a nudge or something, or I'll most likely end up wasting my day just waiting for something that most likely won't even happen, and I don't really want to get old while this slow idiot has yet to understand what he just fucking said.

"What?" I ask flatly. Honestly, I'm being polite.

He glances up from his cup of coffee, looking as if I just snapped him out of the most blissful dream he has had in ages. Well, see how fucking sweet it is, bastard? I was really enjoying that bacon until you decided to so rudely interrupt.

He blinks at me, and I'm not smacking my forehead only because I'm not in the mood for a headache. In the mornings he usually is even more stupid – and yes, I know it sounds unbelievable, but I bet you it's actually _possible_.

"What 'what'?" he asks, and I bite my tongue – because if I don't I might just point out how stupid he sounded right then by repeating the same word.

I glance at my bacon in despair, for I know that by the time I've finished getting through to this guy, it will've long gone cold. Reluctantly, I set it on the table next to me and turn back to him.

"What did you just say?"

It takes him a moment (because as I said he's stupider in the mornings), but realisation dawns on him and I could've cried. That was so much faster than I thought.

He smiles at me, and those goddamn dimples that for some insane fucking reason make me weak in the knees are denting his cheeks as he casually says, "I said 'good morning, sunshine.'"

This time, I _did _smack my forehead.

I feel the familiar irritation in my chest, and I'm sure that if we go on like this for _one more_ minute it's going to turn into absolute infuriation.

"I _heard _what you said," I growl, clenching my teeth. "_Why _did you say it?"

Roy blinks, and then, as if the answer is the most obvious goddamn thing in the _world_, he stares at me like I've suddenly grown a head, and it's that _no comprehension _that makes me want to bang his head against the wall in hopes of him acquiring a few brain cells. Sadly though, I am aware that brain cells can't actually _grow._ Damn it, he was probably born with a shortage – not to mention that they die as you grow older. And this bastard is fucking ancient, I'm telling you.

"Because saying good morning to your lover in the morning is _normal_?" he says in a matter-of-fact manner that literally makes me want to rip his eyes out. Why don't – ugh, you know what? Just forget it, I'm not going to go into goddamn detail with you. It's just not worth it.

I decide that the best way to deal with him - is to just be blunt.

"_Sunshine_?" I ask pointedly, mustering an epic glare.

He drains his coffee in one gulp – as if he fucking needs the caffeine, yes I _caught _the subtle insult – and then sighs.

To my bemusement he actually smiles, and I quickly debate running for my life, but then I realise that it's actually a fucking _genuine_ smile and I _can't fucking stand those_. They make my insides all weird and when he gives me one of those I just _give in _and I can't _stand _that. From the moment I realised the effect that smile has on me, it has become my secret mission to _never _let him know of the power he holds over me.

I've spent years trying to figure out just _why _my body betrays me like that each and every time and sides with him. I mean, _why _would you side with _him_? He makes me blush like a fucking girl – and I don't blush like a girl! Just because I have the genitals, doesn't mean I have to act like one.

And then there is the odd leaning towards scary pick up my heartbeat does and I just don't _get _it.

Winry said it was love, I nearly gagged.

But then again, no alchemy rules can explain this behaviour, and I've never been able to get my hands on a decent book about it. There is no way one can experiment on people supposedly 'in love' – because, really, what is there to test? And just taking two random people will never work, because those 'tingly' feelings are absent. Needless to say, any type of transmutation on humans is strictly illegal.

Al had once asked me to describe my feelings for Mustang using words and not alchemy rules and I had just stood there staring at him like an idiot, until finally my voice decided to do me a favour and work and I just uttered a _very _intelligible, "Huh?"

But words were never really my forte so how should I know? And, taking into consideration that I put up with his daily sappiness and stupidity, maybe my feelings are a bit stronger that I thought.

Hell, maybe this _is _love and I am overreacting and overanalysing things. Hey, you can't blame me though. I'm a scientist, I want proof for everything. Mustang should too, considering he's an alchemist, but he's far too busy sapping (being sappy, I mean) that he just doesn't give a single shit about the complications of love. It's really odd.

Back to the present, Roy is not staring at me anymore, but at his cup, though still with that goddamn smile. I swear, if he doesn't stop being cute I'm going to punch him.

"You just remind me of the sun," he tells me, and I will never admit that my curiosity is piqued. I didn't know there was actually a reason he picked that pet name. All the rest he had chosen didn't make any sense – who would call me sweetheart anyway? – yet this one seems to have some sort of meaning.

"The sun?" I prompt, without being too obvious of course. Another thing with being with The Bastard is that you have to be careful not to accidentally make his ego overflow – if it hasn't already.

He nods, and his smile widens as he looks at me again. "Your hair and eyes; every time I look at them I think of sunshine."

I will forever deny the blush on my cheeks – because I can _feel _it damn it, my face is hot – and I avert my gaze, sliding off the table.

What he said is strangely...touching. No-one has ever told me something similar before. It's evident he's actually put thought in this, and I just feel like whining when I think of the ass I'll feel like if I shoot him down yet again. He'll get _that look _– and that fucking kills me. It makes me all depressed and guilty and stuff.

Right now though, I have to yet again deal with the stupid heart-beating-fast thing. Damn it, will it ever give me a break? I keep worrying I'll have a heart attack as soon as I turn twenty.

His arms wrap around me from behind and he kisses my cheek, face nuzzling lazily in my neck.

I try my hardest to ignore those parts of my body that are showing signs of betrayal, and I muster the courage to admonish him. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to be called anything but my name?"

Fuck, he really shouldn't do that. Why does he look so disappointed? And why is his lip curling like that in a goddamn _pout_?

I was serious when I said I'd punch him.

I don't like it when I melt inside like this – what is that good-for-nothing dork even doing to me?

Swiftly, I turn around, a scowl ready on my face, but I just can't keep it there – not when he's looking at me like _that. _

I don't even realise it when my head rests against his chest or when his fingers start stroking my hair, and I can't help but sigh in absolute bliss goddamn it because I fucking _love _it when he does that.

My arms are betraying me, like my whole body is, and they wrap around his middle as my eyes drift shut. I'm trying my best to ignore how my feelings are reacting to that meaningful pet name, but my chest still feels tight – who am I kidding, I'm totally having a heart attack before my twenties.

But shit, the way my thoughts are going all mushy and stuff is creepy. I didn't know his sappiness is contagious.

I should probably run far, far away, to the desert perhaps? Yeah, that would be the perfect place to roast to death. But right now I can't get myself to even move. It's like he's got me paralyzed.

Maybe this _is _love, because I honestly can't imagine Roy_ not_ being annoying, or _not_ being sappy – Truth the world would end if _that_ ever happened! Just the fact that I am willing to admit that I would never have him any other way really means a lot, I suppose...He smells good too, let's not forget that.

And _I guess _I can make an exception for this pet name – just this one though.

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><p><em>AN You have no idea how fun typing this out was! It's both present tense and first person POV and the fact that I had to write so casually because it's Ed just made the whole experience so much more fun! It's about 3,000 words, but because of the casual tone of it all it seemed like it took me mere minutes to write it! _

_Gotta love Ed though XD I laughed while writing this. XD  
><em>


	19. Flustered (Part 1)

_A/N Hello! I'm in a good mood right now so I used it all writing! :D You know the feeling when you get a better grade than the genius of the class? Yup, that's the feeling. So, our physics teacher is pretty crap (he doesn't teach well) so pretty much everyone failed the exam (they all got, like, 10/100). The genius got 82/100 WHEREAS ME *insert evil laugh* I GOT 86/100 BEST IN CLASS FUCK YES! 8DDDDDDDD _

_So me is happy - here's a new chapter XD_

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><p><strong>Title: Flustered (Part 1)<strong>

**Rating: T**

**Warning: language, suggestive stuff XDDDD**

**Note: They're not *giggles* t-t-together *bits lip* y-yet *ROFL***

**XXXXXXXXX**

Edeline was sprawled on her bed in her and Al's dorm room, one hand absently grabbing crisps and guiding them to her mouth, while her other kept the alchemy book in place. It was a really peaceful afternoon, as she had spent all of her day here, just lounging and being lazy.

She half wished she could've visited the office, just to see how the others were doing, but then convinced herself it was better this way. She had one day off, _finally_, and it would've been unbelievable for her to go to work when she didn't have to. It would've blown her cover, really. Plus, why would she even want to see that bastard of a Colonel anyway? She'd see him tomorrow, and he'd just annoy her, like usual. Better to have a break.

Sighing, Ed practically threw the crisps in her mouth, her eyes glued on the words of her alchemy book. She had read it before, and goddamn it she knew it off by heart. She was bored...

Al had left a couple of hours ago to Truth-knows-where – most likely to get away from her whining but whatever – and had yet to come back. Alone in the dorm with nothing to do would make anyone bored, she supposed. With a small grunt, she chewed noisily on the crisps, vaguely taking notice of the almost empty bag. She'd have to see how many of those they had left. She really wasn't keen on a lecture from Al...

A knock on the door made her jump in surprise, and she sat up on the bed, face pulled into a frown. Who could that be? Al had keys, and he never forgot them, so who else could it be?

"Fullmetal?"

Her eyes widened at her State title, and she groaned loudly, falling back on the bed when she connected the voice to a face.

"Goddamn it, it's my fucking day off!" she grouched, hearing a soft sigh from outside the door.

"I'm aware, Fullmetal, and that's why..." Mustang's voice lowered in volume, and she frowned, sitting up once again, completely confused. His voice sounded a bit weird, but it _was_ him... "I'm here to make it more _interesting _for you."

Ed's eyes narrowed to tiny slits as her mind processed the intonation. Yes, his voice was weird. It wasn't the exact baritone tone, but it was undeniable that it was him. Maybe he was drunk? But at this time of day? Where was Hawkeye if Mustang was running around drinking during work hours?

"Mustang, what the hell are you on about?" Ed asked, suspicious. Mustang was an expert in games, and this, she concluded, was most likely one. However, he never did something like this unless he had something to gain from it. The bastard, if he wanted her to work on her day off he could go stuff his face in shit for all she cared.

"I need you, Edeline."

Ed froze, all thought process vanishing in thin air. What?

Need, as in, help for a mission? Help in the office? The way he said it though...

Standing up now, she placed her book and bag of crisps on the bed and sauntered over to the door. Her hands made no move to open it, however. She had no idea what the bastard wanted, and if he was going to continue acting like a creepy old man she was _not _going to let him in.

Crossing her arms, she leaned against the door. "What do you want, Mustang?"

There was silence on the other side, and Ed briefly wondered if he'd left.

"I want _you._"

Ed choked on her spit, spluttering and coughing. The bastard had _not just said that_...!

Want _her_!? The heat on her cheeks was undeniable, and she pressed her hands on each side of her face in hopes of it sucking out the warmth. No such luck.

"W-what d-do you m-mean?" she stuttered, subconsciously walking away from the door. There was no way she was going to allow him entrance of _any _kind, however much he pleaded. She might like him like _that, _but still! He couldn't just come waltzing in here and start sprouting nonsense about _wanting her!_

" I want you in bed, on the desk in my office, against the wall, on the couch, on the floor, _everywhere_, Edeline. I want you everywhere."

Ed was pretty sure she was hyperventilating. This just couldn't be happening...Maybe she was dreaming? Her dreams _were _getting kind of weird and pervert-like nowadays...

Her ears were burning; hell, her whole _face _was burning. And her mind wasn't helping, not at all. It was presenting all these images of her and Roy 'in bed' and 'on the desk in his office' and 'against the wall' and 'on the couch' and 'on the floor' – and all of that was driving her crazy. Her heart beat loudly in her chest, and suddenly she was very thankful that she hadn't opened the door. Had she done that, he would've most likely tried...something...

A strangled noise came from her throat, and she buried her crimson face in her hands. She was shaking – from terror, excitement or anticipation she really could not tell. Perhaps it was a mix of all of those.

There had to be something here she was missing; perhaps he was playing a prank on her, to see just when she'd break and open the door to smash his face. This had to be for his amusement – a trick to cure the boredom the paperwork had induced...

Or maybe he was drunk, Ed wasn't about to rule out that possibility. But if he was drunk...Winry had once told her that drunken words were those people couldn't say sober...So maybe...

She had to determine that first. She had to make _sure_...

"Mustang." Inwardly, she congratulated herself for sounding so steady and confident, but the slight layer of panic was still present. "A-Are you drunk?"

A small chuckle could be heard, before, "During work hours? I don't think Hawkeye would've been very happy with that."

Her point exactly. That meant he wasn't drunk. But then the only other possibility was that he was playing with her, messing around with her feelings for whatever gain...

Damn, he really _was _a bastard. Why did she have to fall for such an asshole?

"T-Then w-what are you doing h-here?" Her heart was still beating a mile a minute, and her hands shook as she ran her fingers through her blonde hair.

"I wanted to see you." Yup, sounded pretty sober there. "It's your day off and you didn't come to work. I missed you."

_What?_

"I-I..." What was this – _what_ _the fuck was he saying_!?

"I've wanted to hold you and touch you for so long, I can't anymore, Edeline. Let me touch you."

Ed squeaked, moving as far away from the door as she could, her back connecting with the wall. "What the hell are you on about? T-Touch me?"

"Make love to you."

"M-make...love...?" Her hands over her chest in terror, Ed's eyes widened and, if that was even possible, she backed away further. If this went on for a minute longer she'd pass out. "Why would you–?"

Mustang sighed. "Can't you see, Edeline?" There was a pause, before a soft, "I love you," made her mind go blank.

Despite herself, she found anger bubbling inside of her. This bastard was saying this stuff to her to amuse himself, and didn't know, or didn't _care _what the words were doing to her. She had dreamt of hearing this stuff, she had wondered if it was better to let her feelings for him go – and now he was here, telling her everything she had wanted to hear, trying to make her believe that he actually meant it, while he was mocking her behind her back.

The dickhead.

She never offered a reply, and another soft sigh was heard. "You love me too, don't you?"

Her heart squeezed at those words. So that was where this idea had come from. He had realised her feelings and decided to play around with them...

That shouldn't have saddened her as much as it did.

"Go away," she hissed, taking a deep breath and pushing herself away from the wall. She had better send him away, or he'd most likely continue this seducing game and it'd only hurt her more.

Damn the bastard and the power he held over her.

"Why are you so mean, Ed?" He sounded almost genuinely hurt, and for a moment she paused – hesitated – because, what if he actually meant this?

Pursing her lips, Ed decided that if she was to determine whether to believe him or not, she had to at least be able to see him.

With determination and confidence she didn't really have, Ed strode over to the door and yanked it open, her heart in her throat.

Mouth open to demand answers, the words never went past her lips. Her mind was too busy feeling entirely flummoxed by the image her eyes were sending it.

Where she expected her dark-haired dark-eyed commanding office to be standing, a blonde-haired golden-eyed man stood, looking quite horrified. It was one man she knew _very _well.

"Alphonse?"

Her voice was not above a whisper, as she found herself unable to emit anything louder. Why was Al here? Whose voice had she been hearing? _Where was Roy?_

Al cleared his throat and shuffled awkwardly on his feet, avoiding her gaze. "Didn't think you'd open the door," he murmured, almost to himself.

"_What_?"

Ed honestly didn't know what to think – what to _feel_. She was just too shocked.

Al gave her an uncomfortable grin, his eyes subconsciously straying to the stairs. He did that when nervous, and now he appeared to be waiting for a suitable chance to run like the devil was hot on his heels.

"I was just – I just arrived," he blurted, eyes wide.

The shock slowly swearing off, Ed relaxed her posture and crossed her arms, leaning against the threshold. "You just arrived," she repeated flatly.

When Al gulped, she continued. "Well, then, if you just _arrived_, did you happen to see the bastard?"

Al was sweating now, and try as he might, Ed already knew he was lying – and he hadn't even said anything yet.

"Y-Yeah, t-the Colonel p-passed, h-he seemed p-pretty, um, s-sad...?" The way he phrased it as a question only made matters worse. Al was a shitty liar.

Ed stared at him in a bored manner, her index finger impatiently tapping her elbow. "The truth, Al."

Al made a choked sound and ran his fingers through his hair, looking everywhere but at her as he quickly rambled, "I-It was just a joke, alright? Remember when I used to do it to Winry when we were kids? I've always been good at changing my voice...I didn't mean to upset you or anything I just wanted to see how you'd react because I know about your feelings for the Colonel – I mean, of course I'm going to know because you told me but that's not the point I just wanted –"

"- me in bed, on the desk, against the wall, on the couch and on the floor," Ed finished dryly.

Al flushed furiously, biting his tongue. "A-About that..."

Ed's eyes narrowed as she saw Al ready to burst into laughter. Honestly, she'd expected him to be terrified, not about to go off into hysterics.

A snicker escaped him, and he bit his lip. His shoulders were shaking, however, and gave away his inward laughter.

"I'm sorry!" he shouted, immediately doubling over, uncontroallble giggles escaping him.

"You don't look it," Ed muttered, watching with a scowl. Great, now she had another bastard in her life. Why did her little brother have to be infected with bastard-ness?

Still giggling, Al wiped tears away from his eyes, his trembling arms wrapping around her and pulling her to his chest. Ed defiantly refused to reciprocate the gesture, instead remaining rigid, arms crossed and scowling.

That just seemed to amuse Al even more, because his giggling increased.

He stroked her hair apologetically. "I'm sorry, Sister, I w-won't do it again."

She would've relaxed, because Al didn't lie about things like that, but the very silent and mischievous, "Not to you anyway," that passed his lips afterwards made her suspicious all over again.

She was sure she shouldn't have heard that.

**To be continued...dun...Dun...DUN**

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><p><em>AN The above line says it all. Al is not done toying with them. *scary thunder and lighting* _

_Prank on Roy is the next one! *grins like Truth* Let's see how _he'll _react to what Al's got in store for him... _


End file.
